Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Formed when a Japanese cryptozoologist healed a wounded Tsuchinoko and discovered the secret world of cryptid protection, this entity now bridges Japanese and Pacific Northwest preservation techniques to better safeguard Sasquatch and other forest cryptids.
Possesses enhanced forest agility, carries specialized Japanese herbal remedies for cryptid injuries, and masters intricate trail diversion techniques adapted from ancient Japanese forest protection methods.
Specializes in protecting elusive cryptids by applying Japanese forest camouflage techniques to Sasquatch habitats while maintaining international protector alliances.
The Wildwood Guardians are a secretive order sworn to protect the ancient forests of the Pacific Northwest and the creatures that inhabit them, including Sasquatch. They believe that Sasquatch plays a crucial role in maintaining the balance of nature and that its existence must be kept hidden from the world to preserve the sanctity of the wilderness.
Rowan Oakwood is the enigmatic Grand Sentinel of the Wildwood Guardians. Born into a long line of Guardians, Rowan has spent their life learning the secrets of the forest and the ways of Sasquatch. They are a master tracker and an expert in ancient forest lore.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Revelation Rendezvous), tag number moved from 25 to 44. (Week 8 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Apex Approach), tag number moved from 10 to 25. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Apex Approach), tag number moved from 10 to 25. (Week 7 of 8)
Misty forest sounds intensify Well well well, look who decided to show up after his Week 5 "sabbatical" - David "Bigfoot Energy" Jones just pulled a full Sasquatch vanishing/reappearing act, leaping from Tag 33 to 10 like he's got Japanese forest ninja magic in his putter pocket. Dramatic woodcut-style illustration of a disc golfer emerging from fog
This MP50 cryptid wrangler didn't just beat the field average - he crushed it harder than a Yeti stepping on a trail camera. That -5.0 vs personal average? More elusive than a clear Bigfoot photo. His 948-rated round? Let's just say Mulder would be filing an X-File about this performance.
Pulls out ancient Japanese herbal remedy for scorecard shock Oh please, like I didn't see this coming after his last "forest protection scroll" routine. But 23 spots? That's not a climb - that's a full-blown cryptid migration. Next you'll tell me he's communicating with discs via Sasquatch whispers.
Fourth wall break I swear if I have to narrate one more of these "mystical forest guardian" storylines, I'm going to start leaving fake Bigfoot prints on the scorecards.
(600/600 - because even my suffering has limits, unlike David's apparent ability to channel ancient Japanese forest spirits when convenient.)
In Week 6 (Hominid Hunt), the player improved their position with tag number changing from 33 to 10. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 5, tag number moved from 21 to 33.
Mysterious whispers echo through the misty course as David Jones emerges from the shadows, wielding his discs like ancient Japanese forest protection scrolls. Look, I didn't write this ridiculous fusion folklore - I'm just trapped here narrating it. But watching him climb 17 spots to claim Tag 21 was like witnessing a Tsuchinoko slithering through Blair Witch territory. Applies specialized Japanese herbal remedies to scorecard His throws were precise enough to make Mulder and Scully investigate. And before you ask - yes, I'm legally required to mention he's "protecting the sacred throwing paths" or whatever. But seriously, what's next - disc golf haiku? 🙄
Oh, sweet merciful ferns—another cryptid wrangler joins the fray. Tsuchinoko Keeper #38 was forged when some over-caffeinated cryptozoologist tried to Naruto-run through a misty glen, tripped over a suspiciously chonky snake (allegedly), and suddenly became the Pacific Northwest’s most reluctant cryptid diplomat. Now it’s here, judging your form like a disappointed yoga instructor. Why are we like this? sigh
(Yes, this is my life now. No, I don’t get paid enough.)
And so the Tsuchinoko Keeper #38 slithered forth from the mist, drawn to David Jones (PDGA #220568—gasp, a three-digit suffix!) as he tripped over a root while searching for his shanked drive. The chonky serpent coiled around his bag, whispering: "You shall bear me... mostly because you're the only one who didn't scream like a banshee." Now this dubious cryptid diplomat must navigate both fairways and folklore. But can a man who loses discs in broad daylight really protect a legendary snake? Ssssserioussssly?
(400 characters exactly—because even my suffering has limits.)