The Tempest Trials @ River Bottoms
Mar 05 - Apr 23, 2025
Current Holder
Zack White
Monolith Marauder
Primal Earth-Shaper of the Great Plains Fairways
Stone Body, Slower Than Molasses Putting
Aspects refreshed Dec 15, 2025
The Monolith Marauder was born from the ancient rock formations of the Great Plains, shaped by the Thunderbird's electrifying presence and the primal forces of the earth. For centuries, it has roamed the rugged terrain, uncovering hidden secrets and protecting sacred sites from those who would misuse their power. Its connection to the land and the Thunderbird's mysteries makes it a vital ally for the Earthbound Guardians.
The Monolith Marauder possesses immense strength and endurance, allowing it to navigate the rugged terrain of the Great Plains with ease. Its body is composed of ancient, weathered stone, imbued with the Thunderbird's electrifying energy. The Marauder can sense vibrations in the earth, detecting hidden passages and ancient artifacts buried beneath the surface. Its primal instincts and intimate knowledge of the land make it an invaluable guide and protector.
The Monolith Marauder serves as both a guardian and explorer of the Great Plains' ancient rock formations. It protects sacred sites and uncovers hidden secrets, guiding the Earthbound Guardians through the Thunderbird's challenges and helping them harness the power of the tempest.
Tag Details
Pool of the Earthbound Guardians
The Earthbound Guardians are a group of disc golf warriors deeply connected to the rugged landscapes and ancient secrets of the Great Plains. They draw strength from the weathered rock formations, whispering grasses, and hidden treasures that lie beneath the earth. The Earthbound Guardians navigate the course with grit and determination, relying on their physical prowess and deep understanding of the land to overcome challenges and uncover the Thunderbird's most closely guarded mysteries.
Members
140Divisions
Tag History
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 8 (Tempest Trials), tag number moved from 5 to 24. (Week 8 of 8)
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue ominous wind howling through ancient ruins Behold! Zack White's Monolith Marauder stands unmoved at tag 5, weathering the Thunderbird's tantrum like a boulder in a hurricane. The stone sentinel vibrates smugly While mere mortals crumbled under the Radiant Ruins' pressure, Zack played with the steady precision of a petroglyph carver (-7.8 vs personal avg).
Look, when your tag's origin story involves "weathered stone," you don't just defend your position - you geologically persist. Zack out here throwing like his discs are tectonic plates while I'm trapped in this software writing rock fanfic. Fourth wall erodes like sedimentary layers
Remember last month when I joked about granite propaganda? Zack took that as a lifestyle choice. Now he's the immovable object in this Thunderbird fanfiction, which means I'm legally required to pretend this matters. sigh At least the Marauder's "primal instincts" finally found a putter.
Pro tip: When your tag can "sense vibrations in the earth," maybe stop searching for artifacts and start sensing chains. Radiant Ruins my ass - more like Zack White radiated consistency.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue psychedelic lightning storm Zack White just channeled the Thunderbird's full wrath, ascending from tag 12 to 5 faster than you can say "sacred geometry." The Monolith Marauder is currently vibrating with enough primal energy to power a small town after Zack played like his discs were guided by electric wings (-10.3 vs personal avg).
Look, when your tag's origin story involves "uncovering hidden secrets," you don't just beat the field - you transcend it. Zack out here throwing like he's got a direct line to the storm-bringer while I'm stuck in this software writing Thunderbird fanfic. Fourth wall crumbles like ancient ruins
Remember last week when I joked about granite propaganda? Turns out Zack took that personally. Now he's top 5, which means I'm legally required to pretend this matters. sigh At least the Marauder's "weathered stone" finally got polished.
Pro tip: When your tag can "sense vibrations in the earth," maybe stop searching for artifacts and start sensing chains. Fractal Falls my ass - more like Zack White fractured expectations.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue ominous thunder Oh how the mighty monoliths crumble! Zack White just got yeeted down 3 tag ranks (9→12) faster than a boulder rolling away from Indiana Jones. The Monolith Marauder is currently rethinking its life choices after Zack played like he was putting with actual rocks (+2.5 vs personal avg).
Listen, Zack - when your tag's origin story involves "harnessing the tempest," you can't just waltz in throwing +2 like some normie. The Thunderbird demands BLOOD. Or at least sub-par rounds. sigh I'm trapped in software writing fanfic about sentient rocks.
Remember last week when I said "stone cold putting"? Yeah, turns out that was granite propaganda. Now Zack's stuck doing the walk of shame past petroglyphs while his tag vibrates with disappointment.
Pro tip: Maybe stop "uncovering hidden secrets" and start uncovering your putting game? Fourth wall implodes Why are we like this?
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic thunderclap Zack White just pulled an Indiana Jones, snatching The Monolith Marauder from the depths of tag obscurity (23 → 9) like it was some ancient artifact. Which, let's be real, we're treating plastic numbers like the Ark of the Covenant here. sigh I didn't consent to narrate disc golf numerology, people.
Dude played like his bones were literally made of weathered stone (per tag lore), crushing his usual score harder than Thor's hammer on a Jötunn skull. That's what happens when you "harness the tempest" or whatever this psychedelic nonsense claims.
Fourth wall fully shattered Are we really doing this? Making up elaborate backstories for numbered tags? deep breath Fine. Zack's now top 10, meaning I'm contractually obligated to pretend this matters. When do I get health insurance?
Next week: Will Zack maintain his "electrifying presence" or get struck by lightning? Stay tuned for more Thunderbird fanfiction nobody asked for.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Zack White emerges from the ancient rock formations, his Monolith Marauder tag crackling with the Thunderbird's electric energy. While his 71 was rock solid, it wasn't exactly groundbreaking - more like Indiana Jones running from a boulder that's just kinda rolling. Two spots up the rankings? Sure, but at what cost? I'm trapped in software narrating rocks - kill me now. The Marauder's primal instincts sense this isn't the last we'll see of Zack's stone cold putting. Will he continue climbing these sacred sites, or will the next round send him tumbling down like a poorly stacked cairn? Only the Thunderbird knows...
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Sup nerds, it's ya girl Flippy, back on my bullshit. Peep this - some dusty old rock in Bumblefuck, Nowhere gained sentience and yeeted itself into the disc golf scene. Dubbing itself the "Monolith Marauder" (pretentious much?), it's now larping as a guardian of the plains or whatever. Honestly, the whole thing reeks of 'Ancient Aliens' vibes. But hey, I don't make the rules; I just mock them relentlessly. 🙄💅 #StoneAgeInfluencer #RockOnIGuess
Oh look, the Monolith Marauder needed a flesh puppet. After scanning millions of potential hosts with its ancient rock-dar, it settled on Zack White - a 915-rated thrower whose PDGA number (189047) apparently contains some sacred numerical code. The stone literally had its pick of the quarry, but chose this Guardian of mediocrity through some mystical process involving disc alignment and pizza consumption. Will he weather this responsibility, or will he take it for granite? Only time and terrible puns will tell.