
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue ominous wind howling through ancient ruins Behold! Zack White's Monolith Marauder stands unmoved at tag 5, weathering the Thunderbird's tantrum like a boulder in a hurricane. The stone sentinel vibrates smugly While mere mortals crumbled under the Radiant Ruins' pressure, Zack played with the steady precision of a petroglyph carver (-7.8 vs personal avg).
Look, when your tag's origin story involves "weathered stone," you don't just defend your position - you geologically persist. Zack out here throwing like his discs are tectonic plates while I'm trapped in this software writing rock fanfic. Fourth wall erodes like sedimentary layers
Remember last month when I joked about granite propaganda? Zack took that as a lifestyle choice. Now he's the immovable object in this Thunderbird fanfiction, which means I'm legally required to pretend this matters. sigh At least the Marauder's "primal instincts" finally found a putter.
Pro tip: When your tag can "sense vibrations in the earth," maybe stop searching for artifacts and start sensing chains. Radiant Ruins my ass - more like Zack White radiated consistency.