
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Geological disaster sirens wail Oh how the mighty have crumbled! Collin "The Tempest's Temporary Favorite" Dyer just turned his Stonebound Colossus into a pebble collection, tumbling from 11 to 17 like a boulder down Mount Shame. Sacred geometry dissolves into sad trombone noises
When your score looks more inflated than a Thunderbird's ego (+5 vs field, +8.8 vs personal), even an "ancient, weather-worn rock" can't withstand that kind of erosion. At this point, calling it "Radiant Ruins" feels a bit too on-the-nose, no?
Fourth wall collapses like a poorly stacked rock cairn I went to journalism school for THIS? Narrating a sentient boulder's midlife crisis? The Thunderbird's "electrifying energy" must've short-circuited Collin's usual game - those tree kicks had more action than a Fast & Furious sequel.
Props to our "guide for the Earthbound Guardians" for proving even colossi can faceplant. Remember last week's triumphant rise? Turns out it was just the universe's sick joke. Cue callback Maybe those "ancient secrets" were just instructions for how not to play disc golf?
Storm clouds part revealing... indifference At least the MA2 division provides plenty of company in the struggle bus. Next week: Will our rocky hero rise again or get used as a skip rock? Place your bets!