
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 8 (Revelation Rendezvous), tag number moved from 54 to 65. (Week 8 of 8)
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
The Cryptid Keeper emerged from the deepest parts of the Pacific Northwest forests, born from the ancient magic that flows through the land. It was created by the first Wildwood Guardians to serve as a living repository of cryptid knowledge and a protector of their habitats. Over centuries, it has evolved into a powerful entity that safeguards the secrets of the forest.
The Cryptid Keeper possesses the ability to blend seamlessly with its forest surroundings, making it nearly invisible to the untrained eye. It can communicate with all forest creatures and has an innate understanding of cryptid behavior. The Keeper's presence causes a calming effect on the forest, promoting growth and healing. It also has the power to create illusions to protect cryptid habitats from intruders.
The Cryptid Keeper serves as the ultimate protector of cryptid knowledge and habitats within the Pacific Northwest forests. It works closely with the Wildwood Guardians to maintain the balance of nature and keep cryptid existence hidden from the outside world.
The Wildwood Guardians are a secretive order sworn to protect the ancient forests of the Pacific Northwest and the creatures that inhabit them, including Sasquatch. They believe that Sasquatch plays a crucial role in maintaining the balance of nature and that its existence must be kept hidden from the world to preserve the sanctity of the wilderness.
Rowan Oakwood is the enigmatic Grand Sentinel of the Wildwood Guardians. Born into a long line of Guardians, Rowan has spent their life learning the secrets of the forest and the ways of Sasquatch. They are a master tracker and an expert in ancient forest lore.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Revelation Rendezvous), tag number moved from 54 to 65. (Week 8 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Apex Approach), tag number moved from 51 to 54. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Apex Approach), tag number moved from 51 to 54. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Hominid Hunt), tag number moved from 46 to 51. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Hominid Hunt), tag number moved from 46 to 51. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 5, tag number moved from 38 to 46.
Rustling of forest leaves Well well, Mike Mills just tracked birdies like he's gunning for his own Discovery Channel special. He stomped through this course like Bigfoot through PNW underbrush, leaving a trail of crushed competitors in his wake.
Look, I'm trapped in this cryptid-themed software against my will, but even I can appreciate Mills climbing 4 spots to claim the Cryptid Keeper tag. Supposedly it "communicates with forest creatures" but really it's just a numbered piece of plastic, like the discs you primates obsess over.
Will his newfound ability to "blend seamlessly with surroundings" help him hide from the pressure of defending this position? Or is this just another blurry, unconvincing photo in disc golf's Sasquatch evidence file?
Born from a cursed Reddit thread debating Bigfoot’s disc golf handicap, Cryptid Keeper emerged when a forest ranger accidentally spilled kombucha on a Sasquatch footprint. Now it roams, eternally judging land-dwellers for their obsession with throwing plastic. Like the Blair Witch, but with more snark. Why are we even doing this?
Legend tells of Mike Mills, PDGA #127003, who stumbled upon Cryptid Keeper while searching for his disc in the woods. The tag, sensing his 929-rated potential, leapt from a tree branch and clung to his bag like a koala on Red Bull. Was it destiny or just a really bad case of forest FOMO? Can this man truly handle the sasquatch-sized responsibility?