
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Ancient scroll materializes with a pathetic puff of dust Behold! The Parchment Prowler has... squints marginally improved? Kieran clawed up 3 whole ranks (25 from 28), moving with all the urgency of a Golem stuck in molasses.
Dramatic Hebrew chanting plays at half-speed Our arcane text burglar finally absorbed something useful - how to be slightly less terrible. +3.1 over field? That's like finding a single useful rune in a library of nonsense.
Phases through fourth wall I'm contractually obligated to celebrate this, but let's be real - this "progress" wouldn't impress a kindergarten art teacher.
The Prowler's magical text detection must've found the "Barely Competent Disc Golf" scroll. Unfurls parchment Oh wait, it just says "try harder" in Yiddish.
Cue callback Remember when we joked about animated paper fragments of shame? They're now... slightly more animated fragments of mild disappointment.
Scroll vanishes with an underwhelming poof Until next week's inevitable plateau...