
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
*Adjusts external gills in frustration* Another land-based update required...
In Week 8 (Nessie's Nemesis), the player moved down with tag number changing from 8 to 13. (Week 8 of 8)
Mar 04 - Apr 22, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Born from the ancient mists of Loch Ness during a particularly violent storm, the Storm Shepherd emerged as a response to the prayers of the first Guardian clan seeking protection from the loch's temperamental weather. This ethereal being learned to navigate and influence the powerful storms that plague the Highland courses, becoming an essential ally in maintaining the balance between the natural and supernatural realms.
The Storm Shepherd possesses the ability to sense incoming weather patterns and guide others through the worst of storms. It can temporarily calm localized areas of turbulent weather, creating safe passages for those it deems worthy. While unable to completely control the weather, it has mastered the art of working with natural forces to protect those under its watch.
Acts as a spiritual guardian for disc golfers navigating the treacherous Highland courses, working in concert with Angus MacTavish and the Guardians to ensure the safety of those who respect the loch's ancient traditions. Serves as a crucial intermediary between the mortal world and the supernatural forces that govern the region's notorious weather patterns.
The Guardians of the Loch are a group of disc golfers dedicated to protecting the secrets of Loch Ness and preventing the ancient evil from being unleashed upon the world. They believe in the sanctity of the loch and its creatures, and seek to maintain the delicate balance between the natural and supernatural realms. The Guardians are known for their unwavering loyalty, their deep connection to the land, and their mastery of the unique challenges posed by the Highland courses.
Angus MacTavish is a seasoned disc golfer and a descendant of the ancient clan tasked with guarding Loch Ness. He has spent his life studying the loch's history and legends, honing his skills on the challenging Highland courses. Angus is a man of few words, but his wisdom and experience make him a respected leader among the Guardians. He believes in the importance of tradition, honor, and the power of the natural world.
*Adjusts external gills in frustration* Another land-based update required...
In Week 8 (Nessie's Nemesis), the player moved down with tag number changing from 8 to 13. (Week 8 of 8)
*Wiggles tiny axolotl fingers over keyboard* Let's get this over with.
The loch's surface boils ominously as Kieran Buhler claws his way to #8 like Nessie's less talented cousin. Sure, beating his personal average by 3.5 strokes is commendable - if we ignore that he's still +1.8 against a field apparently putting with haggis-filled gloves. The Storm Shepherd tag CS11 emits a misty sigh, clearly exhausted from manufacturing this "climax" before the season finale.
Look, I know we're contractually obligated to pretend this one-spot gain matters, but must we narrate it like the Battle of Helm's Deep? At this rate, the "ancient evil" we're fighting is basic math.
Props to the Storm Shepherd's "weather mastery" though - nothing says "control natural forces" like turning a 55 into performance art. Remember when this tag chose him for his "rain skills"? checks Episode 1 notes Ah yes, back when we thought this storyline had potential.
Tempest winds howl as we whisper the hard truth: Kieran didn't conquer the storm - he just outlasted it like a soggy biscuit. Tune in next week when we pretend a single-digit tag justifies eight weeks of Scottish LARPing. Slàinte mhath, suckers.
Your friendly neighborhood axolotl, forced into disc golf journalism.
The ruins of Urquhart Castle tremble as Kieran Buhler claws his way back to #9 like a wet Highland sheep escaping Nessie's brunch menu. Sure, beating his personal average by 3.3 strokes is impressive - if we ignore that he's still +1.5 against a field that apparently putted blindfolded. The Storm Shepherd tag CS11 emits a misty sigh, clearly working overtime to justify this "improvement" with localized weather miracles.
Look, I know we're six weeks deep into this Scottish LARP, but must we pretend a one-spot gain warrants Tolkien-esque narration? At this rate, we'll need eight seasons just to explain why Kieran throws like someone who's seen the monster... and it was holding his putter.
Props to the Storm Shepherd's origin story though - "master of natural forces" clearly means making triple bogeys look strategic. Remember when this tag chose him for his "rain skills"? checks notes Ah yes, back when we all had hope.
Urquhart's shadows lengthen as we whisper the eternal question: Is Kieran shepherding storms, or just shepherding disappointment? Stay tuned for Episode 7: "Tempest Tee or Tempest Tantrum?"
Just a pink axolotl trying to make sense of your airborne plastic addiction.
Due to absence from Week 5 (Sunken Stones), tag number moved from 9 to 10. (Week 5 of 8)
Another day, another disc golf story. At least my tank has WiFi.
The mist parts reluctantly as Kieran Buhler emerges from Whispering Woods looking like he just survived a round of Twin Peaks: Disc Golf Edition. While his +4 against field would make most weep into their tartans, this was actually an improvement - the equivalent of finding one dry sock in a puddle. The Storm Shepherd tag CS11 hums with approval as he climbs two spots to #9, proving even cryptid guardians appreciate baby steps.
Let's be real - narrating tag movements like some Celtic weather deity fanfic wasn't in my contract. Yet here we are, pretending Kieran didn't just yeet his way upward like Stranger Things' Upside Down got a PDGA rating. His Storm Shepherd clearly worked overtime - that origin story about "mastering natural forces" must mean making triple bogeys look intentional.
Remember last week when I said Highland winds hate joy? Well apparently they hate consistency more. So tell me mortals - do we blame the weather, or finally admit Nessie's just a drunk with a fog machine?
Just a pink axolotl trying to make sense of your airborne plastic addiction.
When Kieran Buhler (PDGA #140197, aka "The Loch Legend") stepped onto the course, Storm Shepherd sensed its destiny. It flew from the mist, bypassing lesser mortals, and landed in his bag with a splash. Was it his 869 rating? His ability to throw in the rain? Or just his uncanny resemblance to a soggy haggis? Either way, the tag chose its shepherd. But can Kieran handle the pressure of being loch-ed in as #1?
Just a pink axolotl trying to make sense of your airborne plastic addiction.
deep sigh Okay, let's dive into the misty depths of absurdity, shall we? Born from a Sharknado-esque storm over Loch Ness, the Storm Shepherd emerged like a ghostly sheep dog, ready to herd some seriously lost disc golfers through the Scottish Highlands. Because apparently, we needed a supernatural weather app to navigate this bonkers narrative. 🙄 #OriginStoryGoals