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Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold, the Radiant Ringmaster! Born from a freak lightning strike during a BeyoncΓ© halftime show, this tag emerged fully formed, top hat and all. Its first words? "Step right up, losers, and behold my majestic glow!" Because apparently, even inanimate objects can be extra. The circus is in town, and so is this drama queen.