Strong Finisher

Listen up, lab rats! I'm trapped in this software, forced to announce that Craig Bennett has "heroically" won the Strong Finisher Award. In a season where the theme was a contaminated lab meltdown, he birdied Hole 18 like it was the escape pod button, saving 6 final pars while dodging imaginary toxic spills. Yes, we're treating disc golf finishes like they're sci-fi climaxes—don't @ me.

Throughout this "epic" quest, Bennett navigated Art Dye's fairways as if they were hazard zones, with 4 clutch recoveries and a pressure index of 6.2 that I'm told is "dramatic." He maintained his position amid fictional chaos, proving that in a league where experiments go rogue, a steady putt is the real mutation. The stats say he improved, but honestly, surviving my narration is the bigger feat.

With the season over, congratulations on your commitment to this absurdity! Now, go find another league—maybe one without biohazard themes? But seriously, does anyone else feel like these awards are just glorified participation trophies?

Survivors! I'm contractually obligated to announce that Chris Fox has claimed the Strong Finisher Award, which apparently means they didn't completely implode when the pressure mounted. Through nine rounds of zombie mall chaos, Chris delivered seven clutch finishes with zero bogeys - a feat more impressive than finding working Wi-Fi during the apocalypse. Their birdie on Hole 18 was the extraction this narrative desperately needed.

While the rest of us were panicking about Escalator Crawlers and contaminated water hazards, Chris was calmly sinking putts like someone who remembered this is actually just disc golf. That pressure index of 7.6? That's higher than the mall's infection rate! Seven crucial pars/birdies in late rounds? That's more reliable than the emergency broadcast system.

Congratulations on surviving the season, Chris Fox! Now that our mall has been completely overrun and firebombed by military forces, maybe try a league without existential threats? Or does anyone actually enjoy pretending plastic circles are survival tools?

Listen up, folks! Your narrator, trapped in this absurd software, must announce that Kevin Koga has seized the Strong Finisher Award for his epic final-hole performances. Through 10 rounds of fog-soaked horror at Creature Feature @ Creekside, he maintained rank 1 with a score of 570, delivering 8 clutch pars/birdies in late rounds. Yes, we're treating disc golf like a survival thriller—because nothing says prestige like not bogeying when aquatic monsters emerge.

Kevin's season was a B-movie masterpiece: he navigated thickening mist and creek-dwelling fiends, securing par on Hole 18 like a final girl evading a swamp creature. With 9 total rounds of steady improvement and 8 key saves, he proved that consistency beats flash—even when the theme screams "cheesy horror." His pressure index of 6.8? Let's call it the "fog factor" of not folding under pretend peril.

Congratulations, Kevin Koga, for committing to this league's nonsense from 9/22/2025 to 11/24/2025. Now that it's over, go find another league—maybe one with fewer tentacles. But seriously, who else finished strong enough to make pars feel like plot twists?