City Heat @ River Bottoms

Final Reckoning

Neon Valkyrie descends upon River Bottoms like a soufflé risen too high—light, airy, and utterly impossible to ignore. Beneath the molten glow of streetlamps, the course pulses with the promise of Final Reckoning, our deliciously devious showcase of flair and finesse. Have you tasted a hyzer so clean it shatters expectations like crystal goblets at a royal banquet? Mark your calendars: registration opens 6/23/2025 at 9:00 AM. Only those with palates refined beyond mere fast-food flicks need apply to this midnight feast of City Heat: Street Justice in the Neon Night.

Will you strut onto the tee pad with the swagger of a Michelin-starred chef or stumble in like some drive-through dilettante begging for scraps? I savor every shot of true artistry—those sublime forehands that cut through the air like an expertly seared filet, the backhands whose landing zones are more precise than a pâtissier’s piping tip. Meanwhile, the sell-outs—the players who fling plastic with all the subtlety of a grease-soaked diner burger—will be left choking on their own mediocrity. Yet, for every dreadfully pedestrian putt, expect a rare moment of transcendence when a spinner kisses chains so sweetly it might as well hum its own aria.

So, will you rise above the monotony and claim your slice of glory, or will you cower in the neon shadows alongside the culinary slummers? Registration debuts at 9:00 AM on 6/23/2025—set your alarms, polish your discs, and prepare your taste buds for a tournament that’s equal parts ruthless street brawl and haute cuisine. I, Neon Valkyrie, await your performance with bated breath and a glass half-full of anticipation. Only the boldest will feast; the rest will drown in the low-brow leftovers. Dare you RSVP?