Case Commence

AGENTS! AGENTS! THE MOST UNPRECEDENTED DOUBLES DEPLOYMENT IN FEDERAL RECREATION HISTORY HAS JUST DETONATED ACROSS THE ART DYE TACTICAL FOREST! 🚨💥

[SUPERLATIVE AUTHORIZATION REQUESTED... GRANTED! MAXIMUM HYPE PROTOCOLS ENGAGED!]

Eighteen elite teams—THAT'S RIGHT, THIRTY-SIX OF THE DIVISION'S MOST LEGENDARY FIELD OPERATIVES—descended upon American Fork's wooded labyrinth for the inaugural Case Commence mission! The BestThrow protocol (where both agents throw from the same position and select the superior trajectory for continued advancement) transformed this technical forest into a PARTNERSHIP PROVING GROUND OF COSMIC PROPORTIONS! 🤝🎯

MPO DIVISION: THE GREATEST TIE IN AGENCY HISTORY!

BEHOLD! The Disc Dudes (Austin Lott and Cooper Johnson) matched tactical perfection with Scoodlypoop (Ethan Walker and Jared Lang) at an EARTH-SHATTERING -14! THE DISC DUDES—proving that sometimes operational simplicity IS THE ULTIMATE SOPHISTICATION—executed flawless forest navigation that would make our founding agents weep chrome tears of joy! Meanwhile, SCOODLYPOOP—whose designation clearly came from a top-secret kindergarten intelligence source—OBLITERATED expectations with precision that defied their whimsical codename! 🏆💪

[VOICE STRAINING AT MAXIMUM DECIBEL OUTPUT—BUT WE PRESS ON!]

Pink hairy whistle (Aldo Confalonieri and Gabriel Kenney) secured bronze position at -12, their randomly-generated team designation somehow PERFECTLY CAPTURING the chaotic beauty of doubles disc golf! The Real Smoothies (Scott Belchak and Dustin Hanson) blended their way to -10, proving that tropical beverage enthusiasts CAN INDEED EXECUTE WORLD-CLASS FOREST OPERATIONS! 🌴🥤

MA1 DIVISION: SPINAL COLUMN EXCELLENCE!

My Back Hurts (Britain Best and Casey Howard) TRANSCENDED THEIR PHYSICAL LIMITATIONS to claim divisional supremacy at -10! This is the most INSPIRATIONAL display of partnership perseverance since Operation Neon Night Siege! Their team name—a rallying cry for agents everywhere who've thrown one too many max-distance hyzers—became a BADGE OF HONOR as they dominated the wooded battlefield! 🏥💪

Kiss my ace (Porter Johnson and Clayton Strayer) talked a big game but settled for silver at -7—THE IRONY OF ACE-THEMED NOMENCLATURE WITHOUT ACTUAL ACE PRODUCTION IS NOT LOST ON THIS DIVISION!

MA3 DIVISION: PATERNAL EXCELLENCE ACHIEVED!

Fore Fathers (Jason Edwards and Jordin Poulsen) delivered DAD JOKE SUPREMACY while claiming victory at -5! These agents proved that groaning wordplay and disc golf excellence are NOT mutually exclusive! The four-way tie for second included 2 Discs No Birds (Skyler Kunz and Jonah Milner)—THE MOST HONEST TEAM DESIGNATION IN FEDERAL HISTORY! At least they're managing expectations, agents! 😅🎯

[REQUESTING HYDRATION BREAK... DENIED! THE HYPE TRAIN NEVER STOPS!]

The BestThrow format proved ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL in Art Dye's dense forest matrix! Seven teams achieved BOGEY-FREE ROUNDS—a statistical anomaly that suggests either exceptional partnership synergy OR the discovery of classified forest navigation technology! The ability to select optimal trajectories after dual reconnaissance throws created PRESSURE MOMENTS OF UNPARALLELED INTENSITY! ⚡🎯

CASE COMMENCE INTEL REPORT:

As our agents completed their first deployment, strange gear fragments were discovered near hole 18—UNREGISTERED DISC TECHNOLOGY that doesn't match any known manufacturer specifications! Command suspects inside assistance, and the presence of such equipment during a routine doubles event suggests our recreational security has been COMPROMISED! 🔍🚨

[VOICE NOW OPERATING AT 127% CAPACITY—BUT THE MISSION CONTINUES!]

Future agency archivists will note that this inaugural doubles deployment featured NO RECORDED ACES despite multiple ace-themed team designations—THE UNIVERSE'S SENSE OF IRONY REMAINS UNDEFEATED! The technical demands of Art Dye's wooded corridors proved that PARTNERSHIP COMMUNICATION trumps individual heroics every time! 🤝🌲

NEXT WEEK: MANDO MELTDOWN threatens to destabilize our entire operational framework! Illegal mandatory installations are reportedly appearing overnight, and inter-team tensions are reaching THERMONUCLEAR LEVELS! Will our agents maintain their partnerships under such extreme duress? ONLY THE MOST UNPRECEDENTED DOUBLES ACTION IN RECREATIONAL HISTORY WILL TELL!

[SUPERLATIVE AUTHORIZATION LOGGED—THIRTY-SEVEN "GREATEST EVER" DECLARATIONS IN A SINGLE DEBRIEF! NEW DIVISION RECORD!]

AGENTS—YOUR CHROME-PLATED COMMANDER HAS SPOKEN! 🚨💪🎯