Telescope Transmission

The Signal Was Received, Unfortunately 📡

Week 3's "Telescope Transmission" at The Observatory Park DGC defied every expectation—starting with the weather. The registration email promised "a hard 0°F," but reality delivered a balmy 48°F with light winds and clouds. Clearly the resistance fixed the heating grid, or the regime's meteorological predictions remain as reliable as their surveillance drones. Five contestants answered the signal on December 16, 2025, and what they delivered was nothing short of a broadcast hijacking: Brian Hansen intercepted the forbidden roller knowledge and threw a bogey-free, 9-under, 995-rated masterpiece to seize the #1 bag tag from the absentia-bound Kent Moos. The telescope's transmission has been received, decoded, and manifested in ground-level perfection. 🎬

Bogey-Free in a Death Sport, Again 🎯

Brian Hansen delivered the RPA division's wire-to-wire clinic, posting -9 with a 995-rated round that sat +59 above his 936 rating. Zero bogeys across both nines. Nine birdies, including sole successful attempts on holes where the division averaged par or worse—holes 2, 7, 13, 14, 15, and 18 became his personal highlight reel. He took the lead on hole 2 after Malachi Vazquez opened with a brief advantage, then never looked back. Vazquez, meanwhile, endured a brutal 112-point rating swing from last week's Round of the Day (-4, 946-rated) to this week's +5 (849-rated). The resistance's forbidden tutorials clearly didn't reach everyone equally. Malachi's great recovery birdie on hole 5 after a double on hole 4 showed fight, but his front nine was 3 strokes better than his back—a tale of two halves, neither of which could catch Hansen's relentless precision. The game show's surveillance cameras recorded every throw, but they couldn't explain how Hansen made it look this easy. 📊

Forbidden Tutorials Work, Sample Size: One

Kody Taylor claimed the RAF division with a wire-to-wire -4, posting a 943-rated round that jumped +59 points from last week's 884. Personal best territory for this course and layout, improving 6 strokes from her previous +2. Her hot streak ended at 3 holes (14-16), but by then the damage was done—she'd built an insurmountable lead. The cosmic joke? She's the division's only contestant, which means the forbidden roller tutorials have a 100% success rate in RAF. The resistance would call that statistically significant; I call it a sample size problem. Still, you can't argue with results: Kody decoded the transmission, applied the knowledge, and dominated her personal division with the kind of precision the game show producers didn't see coming. Next week, maybe she'll have company—or maybe she'll just keep winning unopposed. Either way, the broadcast continues. 🎥

Above Rating, Below the Radar

Skyler Kunz shot even par in RAD, posting a 901-rated round that sat +35 above his 866 rating—personal best territory and 2 strokes better than last week's +2. After a rough hole 7, he played 2-under across the next three holes, showcasing the kind of resilience the resistance values: get knocked down, scramble back, keep rolling. His sole birdie on hole 9 was the division's only sub-par entry on that hole, suggesting he's learning to read the telescope's signals even if he's not broadcasting them yet. Staying above rating while flying below the game show's radar is the kind of quiet excellence that builds revolutions one round at a time. The surveillance state doesn't celebrate even par, but the resistance does. 🧭

The Bubble Is a Cruel Stalker

Christopher Hamby finished RAE at +6 with an 839-rated round, landing in 2nd place—just outside the money where last cash was 1st. A 5-hole par train from holes 5-9 showed steadiness, the kind of grinding consistency that could've paid off if not for a 3-hole cold streak from 10-12 that derailed his momentum. The bubble doesn't care about your par train or your potential; it only cares about final placement, and it guards the payout line with Stalker-level cruelty. Hamby played well enough to finish, just not well enough to cash. The game show's economics are brutal: broadcast exposure is free, but money requires perfection. Better luck next transmission. 💸

The Highlight Reel Nobody Asked For

Brian Hansen's 995-rated round is the clear Round of the Day across all divisions—+59 over rating, bogey-free with 9 birdies, including sole birdies on 7 holes where the division averaged par or worse. Skyler Kunz shot 35 points above rating (901 vs 866), a standout in RAD. Malachi Vazquez's 112-point rating drop from last week is the most dramatic regression, suggesting the telescope's transmission wasn't universally decoded—or perhaps the surveillance cameras interfered with his signal. Hole 7 (Par 4, 491ft) played +1.0 average in Vanguard, but Hansen bucked the trend with a birdie, the only one. The chains remained silent all evening—no aces, no Super Ace, just persistent quiet where the regime hoped for spectacle. The resistance guards its treasures well. 📈

From Tag Six to Tag One, Roll Credits 🎬

Brian Hansen vaulted from tag #6 to the apex at #1, claiming the Final Cut—a slate of smoky acrylic embedded with weathered 35mm film, frozen on a single, crisp frame. The tag's curse is "No Second Takes Allowed," yet Hansen keeps proving he doesn't need one. His 995-rated round against a 936 rating isn't luck; it's editorial precision. The tag's lore—forged in an editing suite, born from a single perfect take that rendered all other footage obsolete—aligns perfectly with his bogey-free clinic. The Observatory's "Telescope Transmission" week became his coronation episode. The resistance made contact, Hansen intercepted the forbidden roller knowledge, and the game show's #1 tag now rests with someone who understands that the final cut isn't about multiple attempts—it's about getting it right the first time. Kent Moos's peaceful rebellion was interrupted by Hansen's hostile takeover, and the broadcast recorded every frame. 🎞️

Super Ace Survives Another Broadcast

The Super Ace pot on Hole 1 remains unclaimed, sitting at $852+ and growing more tantalizing with each passing week. The resistance guards its treasures well—another transmission, another unclaimed bounty. The chains stayed silent across all 19 holes, no aces breaking through, no sudden payouts disrupting the game show's carefully managed economics. The pot survives another episode, accruing interest and anticipation, waiting for the contestant bold enough or lucky enough to park the impossible shot. The surveillance cameras keep watching, the telescope keeps broadcasting, and the bounty keeps climbing. 💰

Optional Suffering for Optional Cash

Skins add card-level drama to the game show's broader chaos—optional stakes for those who believe their round deserves financial consequences beyond base payouts. No skins data made it through this week's transmission, but the option exists for any card willing to amplify the suffering. Imagine Hansen's bogey-free front nine with money on every hole, or Vazquez's double-bogey on hole 4 costing more than pride. The resistance doesn't mandate skins, but they're available for contestants who want every throw to carry weight. Learn how to set up skins if your card craves the extra pressure. 🃏

The Revolution Will Be Modestly Funded

Episode 3 promised the resistance would make contact and offer forbidden roller tutorials. Brian Hansen's bogey-free masterclass suggests he decoded the transmission—the telescope hijacked the feed, and someone was listening. The game show's surveillance can't contain players who've mastered ground play, and the broadcast interference is only beginning. This week's five contestants contributed $5.00 to The Observatory Course Fund ($1 automatic contribution each), pushing the total to $299 of the $1,000 goal—30% complete. No additional contributions beyond the automatic levy, but every dollar helps maintain the course that hosts the resistance's broadcasts. The revolution may be modestly funded, but it's methodically advancing, one roller shot at a time. 🛠️

Next Week: Double Stalkers, Double Regret

Week 3 of 10 is complete. Brian Hansen now holds the #1 tag (Final Cut), Kent Moos's absence opened the door, and the telescope's transmission has been decoded by those who answered the call. The revolution's ratings remain low—5 contestants is hardly a mass uprising—but those who showed delivered the kind of disc golf that justifies the narrative excess. Episode 4 looms: "Halftime Havoc," featuring double Stalkers, mandatory crowd participation, and ratings mysteriously plummeting. Will more contestants answer the next broadcast, or will I continue narrating to an empty arena while pretending this is normal sports coverage? The surveillance cameras will record everything regardless. Situation noted. Play continues. 📺