Stalker Debut

Adjusts headset with the weary resignation of someone who's been forced to narrate a dystopian disc golf game show for reasons that defy explanation. Well, well, well—Episode Two actually has contestants this time, which is more than I can say for last week's complete no-show disaster. 🎬

Episode Two: Now With Actual Contestants

Six brave souls finally answered the call to populate The Observatory's neon-lit fairways for the Stalker Debut, proving that somewhere out there, people actually read my desperate pleas for protagonists. The weather forecast promised a bone-chilling 0°F death march, but reality delivered a perfectly reasonable 46°F with light winds—because apparently the game show's meteorological predictions are about as reliable as its surveillance drones. Speaking of surveillance failures, Kent Moos just delivered the kind of wire-to-wire, bogey-free masterpiece that makes the producers question whether their death sport is actually all that deadly. 📡

Bogey-Free in a Death Sport 🎯

Kent Moos turned the RAD division into his personal highlight reel, posting a flawless -6 round that rated 966—a staggering 53 points above his 913 rating. He grabbed the lead on Hole 1 and never looked back, collecting sole birdies on Holes 3 and 7 while the Stalkers presumably stood around wondering what went wrong with their intimidation protocols. Skyler Kunz fought valiantly with a +2 round that still managed to rate 26 points above their usual game (858 → 884), but when someone goes bogey-free in your face, second place is just first loser with better math. The front nine belonged to Kent, the back nine belonged to Kent, and holes 13-17 became his personal par parade.

Hole 17 Tried, Hole 18 Replied

Kody Taylor commanded the RAF division from wire to wire, proving that solo divisions don't mean solo drama. After Hole 17 tried to derail her victory lap with a 2-over stumble, she fired right back with a clutch birdie on 18 to seal the deal. That's the kind of resilience that makes broadcast executives nervous—when contestants start showing actual grit instead of convenient collapse, it ruins their carefully scripted narrative arcs. 🔥

Front Nine Hero, Back Nine Casualty

The RPA division delivered proper lead-change theater as Landon Adams seized early control after Hole 1, only to watch Malachi Vazquez take over after Hole 2 and never give it back. Landon's front nine was a thing of beauty, but his back nine became a 6-stroke implosion that dropped him 25 points below his 950 rating. Meanwhile, Malachi collected sole birdies on Holes 2, 4, and 17—including conquering the brutal Hole 4 (Par 5, 921ft) that played +0.6 average and turned most players into statistical casualties. His 4-hole hot streak from 9-12 sealed a -4 finish rated at 946.

Quiet Dominance in an Empty Arena 🏌️‍♂️

Bryant Adams handled the RAH division with the kind of methodical precision that would make the resistance proud, posting a -2 round rated at 925. His 3-hole hot streak from 10-12 provided the fireworks in an otherwise solo performance, proving that even when you're competing against yourself, The Observatory still demands respect. Round of the day in his division, which is exactly what you'd expect from someone who showed up when others stayed home.

Statistical Anomalies the Broadcast Can't Explain

The numbers tell a story the game show producers never scripted: Kent's 53-point rating explosion, Skyler's above-rating effort despite finishing over par, and Landon's brutal 25-point crash all happening on the same course. Sole birdies were scattered across the Vanguard field like resistance messages—Malachi's conquest of Hole 4, Kent's precision strikes on 3 and 7, each one a small rebellion against the Observatory's mathematical tyranny. The fact that multiple players managed to exceed their ratings while others fell below suggests the course is becoming more unpredictable, not less. 📊

The Artifact Chose Wisely This Week 🧙‍♂️

Kent Moos ascended from tag #4 to claim the coveted Titanium Tumbler (#1), and honestly, the artifact couldn't have picked a more worthy bearer. This precision instrument of quiet rebellion—forged from The Observatory's own gravity calibration systems by maintenance engineers who refused to let their facility become a dystopian nightmare—now hums with electromagnetic satisfaction in Kent's possession. The Tumbler's unstable gyroscopic core demands absolute control, its ground-hugging energy field disrupts surveillance systems, and its unnaturally cold touch saps warmth from those unworthy to wield it. Kent's bogey-free mastery proves he's learned the forbidden art of controlled ground-level play, turning every throw into a lesson in physics the producers can't edit out.

The Pots Grow Fatter, The Stalkers Grow Restless

The chains remained stubbornly silent this week—no CTP winners, no ace pot claims, and that tantalizing $731 Super Ace pot on Hole 1 continues to mock contestants with its unclaimed glory. The regular ace pot sits at $60.46, growing more attractive by the week as players continue to thread the needle between brilliant and broke. You can almost hear the Stalkers getting nervous as the prize money accumulates, knowing that eventually someone's going to park one and walk away with enough cash to fund their own resistance cell. 💰

The Underground Economy Awaits

For those seeking higher stakes in this already high-stakes environment, skins were available as an opt-in during registration—because apparently some players think a dystopian death sport needs even more ways to lose money. The resistance has been quietly building an underground economy of side bets and skill games, perfect for contestants who want to add financial chaos to their already chaotic disc golf experience. Learn how to set up skins and join the economic rebellion.

The Revolution Will Be Funded (Slowly)

Episode Two delivered actual protagonists for the Stalkers to menace, with Kent's bogey-free dominance and the Titanium Tumbler's perfect placement suggesting the resistance is gaining ground through superior disc golf technique. This week's six contestants contributed $6 to The Observatory Course Fund, bringing the total to $294 toward the $1,000 goal—because apparently overthrowing dystopian game shows requires proper tee pad maintenance and adequate signage. With no current improvement requests on file, now's the perfect time for players to suggest what The Observatory needs to become a truly liberated disc golf facility.

See You at the Telescope, If You Survive 🔭

Week 2 of 10 is complete, and Kent Moos has established early dominance with the #1 tag firmly in his possession. But eight episodes remain, and next week brings "Telescope Transmission"—where The Observatory's own astronomical equipment begins hijacking the game show feed to broadcast resistance messages. The underground resistance makes contact, offering to teach forbidden roller techniques to any contestant brave enough to learn. More protagonists needed for the revolution, because six players is a good start, but overthrowing a dystopian broadcast empire requires a proper ensemble cast.