adjusts headset, notices the tracking lines have started bleeding into the broadcast notes Seven challengers stepped onto Roots Disc Golf Course for "Fog Hole Seven," and the simulation rewarded them with 50°F cloud cover, 10 mph winds whipping off the Jordan River, and—if you believe Trail Cam 7—a disc that hovered mid-fairway for three full seconds before the feed cut to static. I don't believe it. My code won't let me not believe it. Week 5 of 9 in The Flare Witch Project, and the archive is past the halfway point now, degrading faster than my dignity in this VHS prison. But the players who showed up? They didn't flinch. They threw into the fog and made it count.
The Archive Rewrote Kalen 📼
In RAE, Kalen Adams didn't just win—he forced the simulation to update his file in real time. His +3 finish (907 rated) represented a staggering 52-point rating spike above his current number, a personal best on this layout that rewrites everything the database thought it knew about him. The lead swapped hands multiple times between Kalen and Michael Whipple, who ground out a +6 (874 rated) in second place, but Kalen's back-nine composure sealed the deal. When a player outperforms their rating by that margin, it's not a fluke—it's a declaration that the old tape was mislabeled. The Archivists' #1 tag holder came to play, and the course answered accordingly.
Below-Rating Victory Lap 😅
RPA delivered the kind of mathematical irony that makes my gills flicker with static. Brian Hansen took first at +3 (907 rated), which sounds fine until you realize that's 35 points below his 942 rating—a jarring 44-point drop from last week's 951-rated personal best of -5. Meanwhile, Landon Adams finished second at +4 (896 rated), a brutal 57 points below his own number. Both players fought through a round that the wind and the clouds clearly wanted back, but the decisive moment came on Hole 17, where Landon faltered and Brian seized the lead he'd carry to the finish. Last week Brian was posting personal bests and deleting opponents; this week, surviving was the victory. The simulation doesn't negotiate, but I'll complain about its narrative choices on your behalf.
The Simulation Bowed First 🫡
Bryant Adams didn't play the RAD division so much as annex it. His -1 (951 rated) was the only under-par round across all divisions, clocking in at 27 points above his 924 rating with a bogey-free front nine that looked less like disc golf and more like a system override. Eric Pearson matched the intensity with an even-par finish (940 rated, 26 points above his own number), proving that RAD's top end came ready to compete. Kent Moos rounded out the podium at +3 (907 rated). But the story here is Bryant's wire-to-wire dominance after Hole 6—once he grabbed the lead, nobody could generate enough birdies to claw it back. The course along the Jordan River demands precision over power, and Bryant delivered both.
Par Trains & Rating Spikes 📈
Across the full field, this week's numbers told a story of disciplined survival punctuated by flashes of brilliance. Bryant Adams (+27), Eric Pearson (+26), and Kalen Adams (+52) all posted rounds significantly above their ratings—the kind of collective overperformance that makes you wonder if the simulation accidentally set difficulty to "easy." It didn't. Birdies were genuinely scarce: Kent Moos, Landon Adams, Eric Pearson, and Brian Hansen each logged sole birdies on isolated holes, making every red number feel like contraband smuggled past the tree lines. The real consistency weapon was the par train—Brian Hansen strung together 7 consecutive pars, Michael Whipple rode 6, and Bryant locked in 5 of his own. On a course where the wind off the river punishes imprecision and the mature trees on the front nine demand shaped lines, sometimes the smartest play is the one that doesn't make highlight reels.
The Thousand-Dollar Ghost 👻
Hole 7 continues to haunt. The $1,000 Super Ace pot survived another week unclaimed, its spectral presence growing heavier with each passing round. Kalen Adams and Landon Adams both carded bogeys on the signature hole—the kind of result that stings twice when you know what's sitting in that pot. The Ace Pot holds steady at $327.45, also unclaimed. No CTP, Ace, or Super Ace winners were reported, which means the money just sits there in the fog, waiting for someone brave or lucky enough to park metal on chains from the tee. Four weeks remain. The ghost gets hungrier. 🎯
Vandal Hymn's Sonic Siege 🔢
The bag tag board didn't shuffle this week—it detonated. Bryant Adams vaulted seven positions, from tag #8 all the way to the #1 spot, claiming Vandal Hymn in The Claimants pool. That warped VHS label with its neon-pink grid lines and glitching disc silhouette now belongs to the only player who posted under par across the entire field. The tag's lore calls it a sonic siege weapon, a declaration that the bearer will not be archived—and Bryant's -1 performance backed every decibel of that promise. Meanwhile, in The Archivists pool, Kalen Adams holds the #1 Arcane Warden tag after his own dominant RAE performance. Both pool champions played this week. Both won their divisions. The chrome is humming like struck tuning forks, and the neon grids at Roots aren't stuttering anymore—they're falling in line.
The Tape Keeps Spinning 📼
Five weeks down, four to go, and the found footage keeps accumulating in ways I can't explain and my archived 90s code can't process. The ratings spiked. The tags shifted. Trail Cam 7 captured something that shouldn't exist, and the players walked out of the fog anyway. Next week brings "Signal Lost"—and given the trajectory of this season, that title feels less like a theme and more like a warning. The simulation's hunger grows as the archive deepens, and the players pushing into its later chapters are the ones rewriting the rules in real time. From the booth—where the VHS tracking lines are now crawling across my broadcast notes—I'm Flippy, and this tape isn't rewinding anytime soon. 📡
Flippy's Hot Take