Beacon Wish

Your Wish Has Been Heard, Allegedly

Adjusts glasses and stares at the Zoltar machine glowing ominously in my neural pathways. Week 1 of the Bag @ Beacon Hill season delivered exactly what you'd expect from a Wednesday in December—eleven brave souls showed up to a 34°F disc golf adventure, complete with wind gusts that treated their throws like suggestions. The $1,000 Super Ace pot on hole 16 went completely untouched, because apparently even magical wishes have limits. But hey, the quarter dropped, the machine's eyes lit up, and now we're all trapped in this delightful narrative where I get to pretend disc golf scores are epic character development. 🎰

Two Wishes, One Crown, Zero Cash 👑

RAD division served up the kind of tie that makes everyone question the point of competition. Chris Fox and Nicholas Jennings both carded +2 rounds (933 rated), splitting first place like they were dividing up the last slice of disappointment pizza. Jennings shot an impressive 35 points above his 898 rating—the kind of performance that would normally buy you dinner, but instead bought him half a crown and zero cash since they finished just outside the money. Meanwhile, John Sheen opened strong, leading through hole 2, then proceeded to implode spectacularly with a -71 rating differential that saw him finish 8th. Devin Haueter salvaged his round with a back-nine surge, climbing from 4th to 3rd place, proving that even when the Outback tries to claim you, sometimes you can climb back out. 📈

An Eagle, A Triple, And A New Boss

RPA division crowned its first Weight Bearer of the season when Austin Lott fired a -3 round (983 rated) that was 22 points above his rating. But the real fireworks came courtesy of John Ashworth, who somehow managed to eagle hole 5—a 500-foot par 4 where everyone else was just happy to avoid the trees. On the flip side, Tongia Vakaafi had the kind of day that makes you question your life choices, including a triple-bogey on the Super Ace hole that probably hurt more than the 29-point rating deficit. Austin's steady play, featuring clutch birdies on holes 7 and 9 where everyone else stumbled, earned him not just the division win but also the honor of carrying the Calloway Ledger into Week 2. 🦅

Four Divisions, Four Monarchs, Zero Drama

The remaining divisions played out with all the suspense of a one-person book club. Craig Bennett dominated RAH by virtue of being the only member, though his +23 rating differential (923 rated) suggests he would have been competitive regardless. Erik Hansen took RAF despite a tough -48 rating day in what can only be described as a character-building round. Jonathon Marshall absolutely crushed RAE with wire-to-wire dominance, posting a ridiculous +59 rating differential (943 rated) and claiming the only birdie on the dreaded hole 16. Sadie Marshall rounded out the solo division sweep in RAG, battling through 18 consecutive bogeys or worse because the Outback doesn't negotiate. 👑

Some Wishes Came True, Most Didn't

The rating gods dispensed justice with their usual arbitrary cruelty. On the blessed side, we had Jonathon Marshall's aforementioned +59 explosion, Nicholas Jennings' +35 breakthrough, Craig Bennett's +23 statement, and Austin Lott's +22 coronation. The less fortunate included John Sheen's -71 collapse, Erik Hansen's -48 struggle, and Tongia Vakaafi's -29 disappointment. John Ashworth provided the round's most spectacular moment with that eagle on hole 5, while several players earned sole birdies on holes where everyone else was just trying to survive—Nicholas on hole 4, Austin on holes 7 and 9, Erik on hole 10, Jonathon on holes 5, 11, and 16, and Devin Haueter on hole 15. The course demanded respect, and most players paid their dues accordingly. ✨

The Accountant Of Ambition Has A Client

The Calloway Ledger has found its first bearer, and Austin Lott now carries the weight of being Tag #1. This unblinking accountant of ambition—forged not by magic but by necessity—automatically records every choice, commitment, and consequence in permanent teal ink adorned with Memphis Design icons. The worn leather notebook appeared in Marcus Calloway's possession the morning after Danny's wish was granted, its first page already filled with fabricated tournament history and an inventory of discs never thrown. Austin's -3 performance earned him this honor, and as the Ledger's pages rustle with his first entry, he can feel the subtle increase in weight that comes with each new obligation. The quarter has been dropped, the wish granted, and now the real accounting begins. 📊

Zoltar Kept The Money This Time 💰

The $1,000 Super Ace pot on hole 16 survived its first challenge, mostly because the hole played +1.0 to par and treated everyone's attempts like unwelcome visitors. Tongia Vakaafi triple-bogeyed it, Austin Lott and John Sheen both doubled it, Erik Hansen managed a double, and Nicholas Jennings squeaked by with a bogey. Only Jonathon Marshall managed to birdie the beast, proving that sometimes the machine does grant wishes—just not the expensive ones. The pot rolls over to Week 2, growing fatter and more judgmental with each failed attempt.

Ninety Dollars Changed Hands, Mostly One Way

The skins game featured five brave souls competing for $90, and John Ashworth basically treated it like his personal ATM, collecting 16 skins worth $80. His dominance started with a birdie (that eagle!) on hole 5 for 5 skins, then after a 10-hole push where nobody could separate, he scooped up 11 carryover skins with a clutch birdie on hole 18. Craig Bennett managed to salvage 2 skins ($10) with a par on hole 7 when others faltered, while Chris Fox, Erik Hansen, and Tongia Vakaafi were completely shut out. That hole 18 carryover scoop was worth $55 alone—the kind of moment that makes skins worth the extra stress. Learn how to set up skins 💸

Wishes Cost Quarters, Baskets Cost More

Week 1's "Beacon Wish" episode officially launched our season-long journey into the absurd, with Danny dropping his quarter into the glowing Zoltar machine and Austin Lott emerging as our first Weight Bearer. The mechanical fortune-teller's eyes have lit up, the heavy bag has been claimed, and eight more weeks of carrying await. Meanwhile, the league contributed $11.60 to the Beacon Hill Course Fund, including the automatic $1 per player contribution, bringing the total to $254.95 toward the $6,750 goal for new baskets—because apparently even in fantasy narratives, infrastructure improvements require actual money. 🏗️

Next Week: Meet Your Caddie, Boss

The baseline is set, the Ledger has its first entry, and the Super Ace pot grows more impatient by the week. Week 2 brings us "Heavy Carry," where Danny meets Pocket, his impossibly serious caddie, and confronts the reality of a 25-pound tour bag containing 47 discs he can't name. Austin Lott enters as the man to beat, the Calloway Ledger growing heavier in his possession with each passing day. Registration opens soon for those brave enough to challenge the Weight Bearer—just remember, the bag doesn't get lighter, and the machine doesn't do refunds. 🎬