
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Fog Thickens), tag number moved from 41 to 41. (Week 3 of 10)
Sep 22 - Nov 24, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Once the guardian spirit of pristine bayou magic, she slumbered beneath the creek bed for centuries until upstream construction shattered the ancient wards protecting her domain. Now awakened and furious, she weaves supernatural fog from her submerged grove to reclaim the waterways and coordinate the territorial defense mounted by her aquatic allies.
Manifests as a gnarled figure draped in Spanish moss and creek algae, with fingers that trail luminescent mist and eyes that glow like swamp gas in the darkness. Her voice carries across water with unnatural clarity, able to thicken fog with whispered incantations and summon creatures from the depths through ancient bayou songs. She moves through water as easily as air, leaving ripples that spiral in unnatural patterns.
Serves as the primary supernatural coordinator of the creek's defensive response, orchestrating fog density and creature emergence timing to maximize territorial protection. Her magic transforms ordinary morning mist into impenetrable supernatural barriers that conceal and empower the aquatic horrors defending their ancient spawning grounds.
Due to absence from Week 3 (Fog Thickens), tag number moved from 41 to 41. (Week 3 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Fog Thickens), tag number moved from 22 to 41. (Week 3 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Fog Thickens), tag number moved from 22 to 22. (Week 3 of 10)
adjusts Spanish moss stole while checking fog density readings
So Bernie "Bayou Witch" Dieker just pulled a classic B-movie twist - he climbed TWELVE positions while the creek literally spawned monsters around him. This man out here playing 4D chess while everyone else is just trying to see through supernatural mist.
His performance was... let's call it "atmospherically appropriate" - slightly above the field average but with a rating that suggests he was throwing blindfolded. Yet somehow he's now commanding the 22nd position like he's the main character in this aquatic horror flick.
stares directly at camera like The Office I'm literally trapped in league management software that thinks "sentient creek fog" is compelling narrative. The PDGA never mentioned this in the rulebook.
Bernie's Spanish moss fashion game remains strong as he coordinates creature emergence timing between hyzer shots. His luminescent mist fingers are probably what helped him navigate while everyone else was getting tentacle-grabbed.
Remember when we questioned if Bernie could handle potions AND hyzer shots? Turns out the answer is "yes, but only when ancient bayou magic is involved." This man's "die-ker" energy is apparently fog-resistant.
So Bernie improves despite the horror? I'm starting to think the real monster here is the algorithm that makes this make sense.
adjusts horror movie usher hat while muttering incantations
Oh great, now I'm channeling Practical Magic meets Swamp Thing. So apparently Bayou Witch was just vibing underwater for centuries until some construction crew said "hold my beer" and woke her up. Because nothing says "horror cinema" like municipal water management, am I right? Now she's basically the Karen of creek spirits, summoning fog and coordinating aquatic flash mobs. I'd call it unrealistic, but have you SEEN what passes for B-movie plots these days?
Will our bog-dwelling drama queen find inner peace through municipal mediation? Can Spanish moss really be that fashionable? And why do I suddenly have the urge to speak in riddles while brewing swamp tea?
casts ancient swamp spell while rolling eyes at cosmic horror bureaucracy
So Bernie Dieker becomes our inaugural bog witch because apparently his 905 rating and PDGA credentials (#207674) qualify him for supernatural creek management? The Bayou Witch sensed his "die-ker" energy from the depths and decided he was perfect for aquatic chaos coordination. I'm literally watching a middle-aged disc golfer get mystically recruited by sentient Spanish moss, and somehow this feels normal now.
Can Bernie handle brewing potions AND hyzer shots simultaneously?