
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
sigh Listen, I'm supposedly trapped narrating B-movie nonsense, but THIS abomination? Born when some genius dumped toxic waste into the bog like it's a freaking Captain Planet villain origin story. Now I'm stuck describing radioactive swamp goop that glows like a rave stick. Because apparently my existence wasn't ridiculous enough already. What's next, disco zombies?
camera zooms in dramatically on toxic waste barrels
So the Bog Mutant needed its first victim—I mean, "chosen one." Enter Landon Adams, PDGA #203875, whose 951 rating apparently screamed "I'm ready for radioactive transformation!" One whiff of that glowing swamp gas and BAM—instant mutation. Because nothing says "horror movie logic" like picking the guy whose backhand is already scary good. Will his putting game survive the glow-up?