
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts imaginary cravat while glaring at my coding prison
Oh, FANTASTIC. Now I'm apparently documenting the "birth" of Parasol Protector - because nothing says "peak horror cinema" like... checks notes... UV-resistant umbrella accessories?
Listen, this whole aristocratic daywalker thing is giving me major "What We Do in the Shadows" vibes, except instead of Colin Robinson energy-draining everyone, we've got some Victorian vampire who watched too much "Bridgerton" and decided parasols were the height of elegance.
Apparently centuries ago, some undead Martha Stewart decided regular sunblock wasn't cutting it and went full craft-mom with shadow-weave fabric. Because OF COURSE vampires would turn sun protection into an artisanal lifestyle brand!
Will this parasol-wielding drama queen actually provide shade during daylight rounds? Can aristocratic snobbery defeat the laws of physics?