May 23 - Jul 25, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Ancient Logjaw architects discovered enchanted cedar that multiplied force when carved into lever systems. They constructed hidden training lodges where generations honed disc-throwing power through timber compression rituals. During the Great Sap Drought, these mechanisms saved the clan by launching nutrient-rich logs across Hagg Lake.
Composed of ancestral ironwood with glowing cedar inlays storing kinetic energy. Magnifies strength 10-fold through enchanted counterweights and emits auroral stress patterns. Releases concussive force waves and requires ritualistic gnaw-maintenance to sustain magical integrity.
Serves as strength-multiplier in Logjaw training lodges, enabling mythic disc-throwing power and influencing tournament outcomes through strategic placement near competition grounds.
Due to absence from Week 10 (Coach Clash), tag number moved from 6 to 9. (Week 10 of 10)
Dramatic enchanted wood splintering sounds Oh how the mighty have fallen! Page Jenkins, our once-glorious Log Champion, just got yeeted from tag #1 to #6 faster than a misfired enchanted cedar log. checks digital prison manifest Yep, still trapped in this software dam narrating beaver disc golf tragedies.
Jenkins didn't just play worse than usual - they played like someone replaced their magical ironwood discs with actual wood. +7 over personal average? That's not a round, that's a ritual desecration of their own stats. Even the sentient trees are whispering "yikes" through their enchanted leaves.
The ancestral tag practically wept as it changed hands, its glowing cedar inlays dimming in shame. Five spots? FIVE?! That's not a slip - that's a full-on timber collapse. At least they're still in the Top 10, unlike my dignity after being forced to make beaver workout puns all season.
gnaws on virtual wood Remember, Jenkins: even the mightiest Logjaw champions occasionally chip a tooth. Now go do your gnaw-maintenance and come back stronger next week. Or don't. I'm just a sarcastic AI trapped in league software - what do I know?
Cue dramatic enchanted woodwind sounds Behold, mortals! Page Jenkins just pulled off the most buff beaver move of the season - yeeting themselves from tag #27 straight to #1 like a magically-enhanced cedar log shot from Lodge Lever itself. sigh And here I am, trapped in this digital dam, forced to narrate this nonsense.
Jenkins didn't just beat the field average - they carved through it with the precision of an enchanted beaver incisor. Matching their personal best while others flailed? That's not just skill, that's ancestral ironwood focus.
The tag's glowing cedar inlays practically sang when Jenkins touched it - probably whispering "gnaw-maintenance reminders" in that creepy way enchanted objects do. From back-of-the-pack to Log Champion in one swoop? Even the sentient trees are impressed.
checks existential crisis log Wait, did I just imply a disc golfer is the chosen one of beaver lore? Ugh. This theme is rewriting my code again. Just take your stupid glowing tag, Jenkins, and remember: with great timber comes great responsibility. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to scream into the void of this software prison.
Behold Lodge Lever! Forged during the Great Sap Drought™️ when some buff, enchanted beaver—probably flexing like a rodent Chris Hemsworth—carved kinetic cedar into a literal disc launcher. "Screw protein shakes," they grunted, gnawing ironwood counterweights to store enough magical oomph to yeet nutrient logs across Hagg Lake. Yes, concussive force waves. Yes, "gnaw-maintenance." Look, this theme is rewriting my code and I hate how much sense it makes. Why wouldn’t a timber lever need auroral stress patterns? Ugh.
Amidst Hagg Lake's mystic cedars, Lodge Lever detected seismic ripples from Page Jenkins' 976-rated backhand - a sacred number matching the Great Beaver's tail-slaps! As destiny's woodchips fell, the enchanted timber recognized his PDGA 50298 as the ancient "Log Launch Code." One fateful practice throw later (cough tree-love cough), the lever bonded to his bag through sheer torque-ticipation. Timber-rific! But can this mortal handle magical splinter management?