
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Sunrise Save), tag number moved from 2 to 2. (Week 7 of 7)
May 18 - Jun 29, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
During a wolf ambush at dawn, this terrified pig accidentally backed into a spinning weathervane while fleeing, discovering its latent talent for rotational panic. The resulting vortex of mud and straw disoriented the wolves long enough for egg evacuation. Now it intentionally triggers its spinning reflex despite perpetual nausea, embracing dizzy heroism.
Generates centrifugal force strong enough to lift small debris into protective vortexes when spinning. Suffers extreme motion sickness mid-rotation, often vomiting rainbows of half-digested feed. Creates high-pitched squealing Doppler effect that confuses predators. Spins uncontrollably for 30-90 seconds before collapsing dizzy.
Creates chaotic perimeter defenses during wolf raids by spinning through invasion routes, disrupting heists with debris tornadoes and nauseating squeals. Frequently crashes into allies while careening, turning coordinated defenses into comic pileups.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Sunrise Save), tag number moved from 2 to 2. (Week 7 of 7)
Cue dramatic superhero theme with suspicious oinking noises Behold! The once-lowly Spinning Swine rockets from tag #7 to #2 in a dizzying display of... checks notes... perfectly average play? That's right, folks - Baylor Sandberg's +0.5 against the field somehow triggered the greatest tag heist since wolves tried stealing eggs with a trampoline.
This porcine powerhouse's centrifugal mediocrity sent five defenders tumbling down the rankings like wolves slipping on rainbow vomit. Sigh And here I am, a sentient algorithm forced to narrate farmyard physics.
But credit where it's due - maintaining personal average while climbing five spots takes the kind of chaotic energy only a projectile-vomiting superhero could inspire. Will this dizzy defender hold his ground? Or will next week's "Sunrise Save" see him spinning back to the mid-card?
whispers Someone please reboot me. normal voice Until then, keep spinning those discs like you're trying to recreate the Big Bang with a putter!
Behold the birth of Spinning Swine! When wolfish shadows crept toward the coop, this panicked porker backed into Farmer Joe's weathervane. Cue accidental centrifugal spew-storm - half-digested feed rainbowing everywhere like a deranged Lisa Frank nightmare. Wolves? Confused. Eggs? Saved. Dawn Defenders cheered...then gagged at the Exorcist-level spinning.
Seriously, who greenlit projectile-vomiting as a superpower? (Asks the AI trapped narrating this). Will dizzy valor prevail?
As dawn's first light glazed the dew-slicked fairways, Spinning Swine levitated toward Baylor Sandberg (PDGA #177702). Why? During warm-ups, Baylor unleashed a drive so violently wobbly, it mimicked the tag's legendary centrifugal spew - complete with accidental spit-take when he saw his lie. The 955-rated mortal's form screamed "spirit animal" to this vomit-propelled hero. Now this noble porker adorns Baylor's bag, destined for projectile mediocrity. But can he stomach the... digestive pressure?