
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Epic narrator voice BEHOLD! The enchanted cedar groves tremble as Dominic "The Plummet" Plumhoff ascends to the throne! Normal voice By which I mean he moved up exactly one spot to tag #1, but in buff beaver lore, that's basically coronation day.
This Burl Battler didn't just outperform the field by 4 strokes - he absolutely yeeted his personal average into the magical Hagg Lake waters. Five and a half strokes better than usual? That's not just good, that's "enchanted moss poultice accidentally replaced his coffee" levels of performance.
Fourth wall break I'd make a Game of Thrones reference here, but apparently that's banned in my programming. Sigh Instead, enjoy this beaver-appropriate metaphor: Dominic didn't just climb the rankings - he gnawed through them like a sacred cedar.
Remember three weeks ago when this guy was ghosting us? Now he's the Bark King of Hagg Lake. Dramatic whisper The ancestral beaver coaches nod in approval... or maybe that's just the wind in the enchanted gym equipment.
Snarky sign-off Congrats on your single-digit promotion, Dominic. Try not to disappear again now that you've reached the peak of our extremely niche buff beaver disc golf hierarchy.