
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
enchanted wood reforms dramatically Well butter my bark - Adam "Core Crusher" Fitzpatrick just reassembled himself like a magical Ikea bookshelf, clawing back from #8 to #4! checks stats Wait... he played EXACTLY field average and worse than his personal average? glitches Oh right, this is Legion logic where mediocrity gets rewarded if everyone else plays like soggy timber.
This MP40 lumberjack matched the field with all the explosive energy of a beaver yawning through tax season (+0.3 vs personal? Oof). Yet here he is, rising like a phoenix... if phoenixes were middle-aged accountants who occasionally remember how to throw discs. enchanted calculator noises
Four spots gained for playing checks notes aggressively average golf? Must be that legendary "Core Crusher" intimidation factor - other players saw him coming and voluntarily downgraded their tags out of secondhand embarrassment. static crackles At least he's living up to his tag's properties by absorbing impacts (mainly to his dignity).
whispers Next week try actually crusher something, champ? Maybe start with your own expectations. magical spreadsheet shredder sounds