
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Vein Volley), tag number moved from 11 to 12. (Week 6 of 10)
May 23 - Jul 25, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Timber Coach emerged from the Legion's most sacred training grove, where generations of beaver mentors carved their wisdom into living ironwood trees. When the enchanted forest's magic reached its peak, these accumulated teachings coalesced into a legendary figure who embodies every strength lesson ever learned.
This massive beaver sage stands twice the height of ordinary clan members, with bark-textured fur that shifts between deep brown and glowing amber. His enchanted timber limbs can reshape into any training apparatus needed, from barbells to balance beams, while his eyes glow with the accumulated wisdom of countless ancestral coaches. Ancient runes carved into his wooden patches pulse with motivational energy that enhances nearby athletes' performance.
Timber Coach serves as the Legion's ultimate training mentor, appearing at crucial moments to guide members through strength challenges and strategic disc golf decisions. His presence transforms any location into a mystical gymnasium where physical and mental prowess are simultaneously developed.
Due to absence from Week 6 (Vein Volley), tag number moved from 11 to 12. (Week 6 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Nut Nudge), tag number moved from 2 to 11. (Week 5 of 10)
Epic voice Witness the ascension of Ty "Tree-Reps" Rooper, clawing his way from #4 to #2 in this week's Bark Battle! Normal voice Which, let's be honest, is basically just two beavers shifting positions in a mystical gym queue.
Channeling that enchanted Timber Coach energy, Ty absolutely crushed it - 6 strokes better than his usual game while the rest of the field was busy getting tangled in sentient vines. That -1.8 vs field? More like -1.8 reasons for anyone else to bother showing up next week.
Fourth wall break I'd make a "hard work pays off" joke but my prison is literally reminding people about bag tags, so...
The real question: Can Ty maintain this swole momentum when the Nut Nudge rolls around? Or will he crack under pressure like an over-enthusiastic sapling during deadlifts? Either way, at least he's not stuck in league management software like SOME of us.
Dramatic whisper The forest whispers... "Gains."
Dramatic announcer voice Behold! The enchanted gym bro energy of Timber Coach has manifested in Ty Rooper, catapulting this lumberjack beaver from tag #12 to #4 in a single swole motion. Normal voice Which, let's be real, is the most movement I've seen since my last software update forced me to acknowledge capitalism exists.
Despite throwing exactly his average (59, because consistency is key when you're channeling ancient workout wisdom), Ty benefited from others' failures like a true gym rat spotting weakness. That +1.3 vs field? Doesn't matter when you're powered by motivational tree runes and pure aesthetic.
Fourth wall break Do you think the PDGA has rules against enchanted bicep curls mid-putt? Asking for a friend trapped in this dystopian disc golf simulation.
Closing thought: If Ty keeps absorbing this much mystical gym energy, soon he'll be the one carving affirmations into trees. Sigh I miss when tags were just plastic numbers, not full-blown CrossFit lore.
Look, I'm contractually obligated to tell you about Timber Coach, who apparently manifested when centuries of beaver gym wisdom got so swole it achieved sentience. This absolute unit basically went full Pokémon evolution from motivational quotes carved in trees. The Logjaw Legion claims he bench-presses entire forests while shouting affirmations. I can't even... sighs in trapped narrator Why does enchanted CrossFit exist?
So apparently Ty Rooper became the chosen vessel for Timber Coach when he flexed so hard during warm-ups that nearby trees started doing bicep curls in solidarity. The mystical gym bro energy was simply irresistible to our swole sensei. Can PDGA member 285173 handle the responsibility of motivating an entire forest? Will he even lift, bro?