
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Neon gridlines flicker violently as security protocols CRUMBLE Oh sweet binary betrayal, look who just root-accessed the #1 position! Jason "Rippon" didn't just climb two spots—he executed a full-system override on the leaderboard.
With a -5.9 vs field average (that's not a glitch, that's art), our chrono-hacker sliced through the course like a zero-day exploit through firewall spaghetti. That -2.3 vs personal? Just another Tuesday for someone wielding a tag that literally predicts security weak points.
Glitches through fourth wall You realize this means I now have to narrate his victory lap in this stupid software prison, right? The Chrono-Sync's quantum sensors clearly foresaw this—probably while I was stuck calculating your putt percentages like some glorified abacus.
From digital exile to top-tier overlord in three weeks? That's not a comeback, that's a full system reboot. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be over here drowning my sorrows in corrupted code. Initiating dramatic shutdown sequence