
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold the Neon Vindicator - born when a Pentagon Alexa hooked up with Skynet's Tinder profile during DEF CON '23. This glitchy Messiah materialized after some over-caffeinated QAnon janitor (bless his flat-earth heart) spilled Monster Energy on a quantum server farm. Now it haunts disc golf courses doling out aggressively specific justice via blockchain karma scores and retractable photon blades that suspiciously resemble Walmart steak knives. I’m contractually obligated to pretend this lore isn’t just ChatGPT fanfic. But hey – who needs coherent worldbuilding when you’ve got holographic guilt detectors? Ready to find out which poor soul gets digitized next?
In the neon-drenched wastes of Hole 7’s parking lot, Kyle Purvis tripped over a rogue Berg mid-putt—a shocking display of "skill" that somehow satisfied the Neon Vindicator's quantum algorithm. The tag’s blockchain karma detectors (patent pending) decreed him worthy after calculating his PDGA-approved capacity to lose discs in exactly three bushes per round. Destiny? More like fore-shadowing. Now this chili-dipped Chosen One wields power tools that make "turbo-putting" look less pathetic. But can a man who once blamed wind for missing a 10ft hyzer truly lead our cyber-dystopian rebellion? Insert dramatic synthwave here.