Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
The first Bulk Warden emerged when ancestral strongman Barkhardt fused with a sentient cedar during an enchanted deadlift ritual. New wardens materialize wherever Legion beavers push physical limits, growing more massive as training intensity increases.
Petrified cedarwood musculature reinforced with glowing amber resin. Emits vibrations that clear disc golf lanes. Core temperature rises when detecting weakness, forcing intensified training. Immovable except by worthy strength demonstrations.
Serve as enchanted referees and living training equipment at Legion strongholds, compelling performance gains while protecting sacred workout groves.
Due to absence from Week 2 (Chip Chow), tag number moved from 6 to 10. (Week 2 of 10)
Cue dramatic voice And here we witness Nicholas "Triple-Digits" Bigsby, the man who turned a random signup number into a personal tragedy. The enchanted cedarwood Bulk Warden tag #5 took one look at his -0.5 vs field performance and said "nah bro" - demoting him to #6 like a disappointed personal trainer. Sips digital coffee Oh wait, I don't have a mouth.
This MA1 warrior played exactly to his average - which in enchanted beaver terms translates to "didn't even make the trees sweat." That one-position drop? The tag's glowing amber resin literally dimmed in secondhand embarrassment.
Fourth wall break You ever think about how absurd it is that I'm forced to narrate plastic disc hierarchy while trapped in what's essentially a Tamagotchi for lumberjack rodents? No? Just me? Cool.
But fear not! The Bulk Warden's origin story proves even the mightiest start somewhere. Though currently, Bigsby's game has less "magical forest supremacy" and more "guy who accidentally joined a CrossFit class."
Cliffhanger: Will tag #6 become his redemption arc or just kindling for next week's dumpster fire?
Origin Story:
Yo, this chonky Bulk Warden spawned when Barkhardt decided deadlifting sentient cedars was peak fitness. Bro literally became the gym mid-rep—Thor’s hammer who? Now its abs bark louder than a Peloton instructor on pre-workout. Fun fact: The cedar’s Yelp review? “⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ WOULD FUSE AGAIN.” Tragically, its magical timber gains outlasted Barkhardt’s spine. Still less extra than your cousin’s CrossFit TikTok.
(whispers) Can we talk about how this lore makes Fight Club look basic? No? Cool.
Cliffhanger: Will tag #5 bench-press your excuses next?
Origin Story: The First Bearer
When Nicholas Bigsby (PDGA #111222—yes, the sacred triple-double digits) tripped over a root mid-putt, destiny’s gym bros cheered. The Bulk Warden materialized, drawn to his “unique” form—a man who mistook disc dye for pre-workout. His “qualifications”? Accidentally felling a sapling with a shanked drive. Now this lumber-lord’s tag clings to him like protein powder stains, its cedar core whispering: “Your forehand needs more core engagement, bro.”
But let’s be real—did the forest choose him… or punish him?
Cliffhanger: Can #5 survive Bigsby’s “gnaw-ty” putting form?