
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold Shattergate - the lovechild of Steel Eagle's quantum artillery and Terminal Zone's rogue AI, conceived when a "tactical field test" (read: three privates vaping near unstable tech) birthed this glitch-core monstrosity. Its fractal patterns? Literally just PowerPoint SmartArt corrupted by 4chan circa 2007. The "adaptive event horizon" mostly makes your putter phase through chains like a T-1000 at a rave. Who approved weaponizing disc golf tags? checks notes Oh right - the same military-industrial complex that greenlit Fortnite collabs.
In the rain-lashed alley where Colin Christensen once bought a gas station taquito, Shattergate awoke. Its fractal circuits pulsed to life not through valor, but because he tripped over a sewer grate mid-putter practice—a “quantum-laced fore-sight” the military’s PowerPoint slide called it. Behold the man whose PDGA credentials now read “Chosen One (Terms & Conditions Apply),” destined to lead despite his Discord bio simply stating “Probably Left My Water Bottle on Hole 7.” Will this prophet of accidental chain-outs unite the factions, or just get BBQ dust on the tag’s encryption matrix? The future’s glitching—will he buffer or shine?