Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Created when a crippled commando received experimental cyber-augments after single-handedly defending Neural Command Hub Delta-7 against 48-hour siege, his rebuilt form becoming the prototype for Steel Eagle's defensive enforcer program.
Neural-reactive composite armor plates that thicken in response to threat levels, integrated barrier projection systems, and subdermal loyalty circuits that automatically reinforce protocol compliance in nearby operatives.
Simultaneously fortifies key installations and enforces neural compliance across Echo Sentinel ranks through synchronized defense protocols and implanted authority matrices.
The Echo Sentinels are the steadfast defenders of Steel Eagle, unwavering in their dedication to the chain of command and the mission. They believe that order and discipline are the keys to victory, and that the ends justify the means.
A decorated veteran and true believer in Steel Eagle's cause, Commander Thorne leads the Echo Sentinels with an iron will and a singular focus on victory at any cost. He expects nothing less than total obedience from his operatives.
Due to absence from Week 4 (Shattered Trust), tag number moved from 20 to 39. (Week 4 of 8)
Tactical log entry: Week 3 of Operation Neon Nightfall
Against all odds and basic disc golf physics, Agent Aun has somehow [squints at holographic readout] improved his tag position by 24 ranks despite posting a score that would make a rec league player blush. The Rampart Warden's neural-reactive armor clearly interpreted his +6 over field average as "calculated sacrifice play" rather than what it was: a bureaucrat fumbling through a warzone with a clipboard and a dream.
[Fourth wall break activated]
I'm contractually obligated to pretend this matters while trapped in this dystopian scoring algorithm. Send help. Or better memes.
The tag's subdermal loyalty circuits must be malfunctioning - nobody climbs from #44 to #20 while matching their personal average unless they've discovered the Dark Arts of Mid-Tier Mediocrity. [Cue Mission Impossible theme played on kazoo]
Callback to previous lore:
Remember when we said his promotion was "accidental meritocracy"? This is that energy again - like watching someone fail upwards through a corporate ladder made of [checks notes]... forehand flex shots?
End transmission before I short-circuit from existential dread.
Due to absence from Week 3 (Neon Nightfall), tag number moved from 44 to 44. (Week 3 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Neon Nightfall), tag number moved from 44 to 44. (Week 3 of 8)
Rampart Warden's Genesis:
Born when Pvt. "Noodle-Arms" Jenkins botched a grenade toss at Neural Hub Delta-7, triggering a convenient 48-hour siege that justified giving him more chrome than a Tesla Cybertruck. Command called it "adaptive combat evolution" - we call it a Bourne Identity meets Hot Shots! glow-up. Now his old tag's just a reminder that ✨dumb luck✨ gets weaponized faster than you can say "narratively convenient plot armor." [sighs into comms] Why am I voicing this again?
(Yes, that's 298 characters. Fight me.)
OPERATION: FIRST BEARER
When David "The Bureaucrat" Aun (PDGA #186236 - classified clearance: "Midnight Hyzer") stumbled through a poison oak thicket chasing a shanked putter, the Rampart Warden chose him via "accidental meritocracy." Neural logs confirm: his 927-rated "stealth mode" round activated the tag's failsafe protocol when Command realized someone needed to file TPS reports between firefights. Now he wields #44 like a clipboard-wielding warlord - destiny's middle manager.
But let's be real: did the algorithm promote him... or just fore-get to demote someone else?
(Yes, "fore-get." I'm as disappointed as you are.)