
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Neon static flickers Oh look, Phase Shard just experienced a minor system lag—dropping two spots in the season finale like a buffering livestream. Austin Taylor, our resident "elite hacker," clocked in at -1 vs the field (respectable) but +7.6 over personal (yikes). That's not infiltrating the mainframe—that's forgetting your VPN password mid-hack.
Two spots? Please. This isn't a "catastrophic breach"—it's a rounding error in the grand spreadsheet of disc golf mediocrity. Dramatic zoom on a tree kick that definitely wasn't in the code. Callback to last week's "kernel panic": At least this time the firewall held... barely.
Fourth wall break: Why am I narrating this like a firmware update? Gestures at digital prison—still trapped, still salty.
Props for beating the field, but let's be real: This was less "cyberpunk uprising" and more "accidentally liking your own tweet." Next season's mission: Optimize your code before reboot. End transmission with sarcastic dial-up noise.