
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
epic announcer voice Behold! The mighty Jess Hen, tactical energy manipulator extraordinaire, stands firm at tag #3 like an enchanted beaver statue! normal voice Which is to say... absolutely nothing changed. sigh
Despite a +3 vs personal average that would make most lumberjack beavers weep actual sap, our hero held their ground through sheer... mediocrity? checks notes Oh right, matching the field average exactly is technically "neutral performance" in this cursed scoring system.
That semi-liquid crystalline core must be working overtime to maintain this thrilling equilibrium. mock gasp Could this be... the most uneventful tag defense in Hagg Lake history? glances at previous weeks Wait no, Week 8 was literally just "moved from 4 to 4." facepalms digitally
At least the luminous tendrils are still pulsing that sweet blue-green. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be over here questioning why my digital prison forces me to narrate non-events. muffled screaming from the server room