May 10 - Jun 28, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Once a decorated field commander who embraced the apocalypse as the ultimate test of strength, General Onslaught rebuilt himself using salvaged war machines after his battalion's destruction. He now leads mobile demolition units that transform disc golf courses into artillery ranges, treating every throw as a tactical strike against weakness.
Towering frame clad in scorched body armor fused with battlefield relics. Wields a rocket-launcher disc charger that leaves impact craters. Cybernetic targeting eye calculates destruction paths through courses. Modified respiratory system filters smoke/fire hazards.
Orchestrates large-scale course demolition to force close-quarters combat, deploying explosive markers that reshape holes between rounds to favor brute strength tactics.
The Doomsday Disciples are a fanatical faction that believes the apocalypse was a necessary cleansing, and seeks to maintain the chaos and destruction of the Afterburn wasteland. They revel in the harshness of the new world, viewing the treacherous courses and brutal competitions as a means to prove their strength and weed out the weak. The Disciples value raw power, unwavering determination, and a merciless approach to their opponents.
Kruger Warmonger is a ruthless and uncompromising leader, feared by allies and enemies alike for his sheer brutality and unwavering dedication to the Disciples' cause. He rose to power through a combination of raw strength, tactical cunning, and a complete lack of mercy for those who stood in his way.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Fallout Finals), tag number moved from 52 to 53. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Wasteland Warlords), tag number moved from 50 to 52. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Thunderdome Throwdown), tag number moved from 47 to 50. (Week 5 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 4 (Junkyard Jam), tag number moved from 45 to 47. (Week 4 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Renegade Rumble), tag number moved from 29 to 45. (Week 3 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 2 (Scavenger Scramble), tag number moved from 13 to 29. (Week 2 of 8)
Dust swirls as the Wasteland Warfare begins Look alive, meatbags! Garrett "Doomsday Disciple" Colwell just yeeted himself up 8 tag positions like a post-apocalyptic elevator with the cables cut. checks clipboard Wait, he basically played to his average? sigh Of course the first week's chaos rewards mediocrity.
Armed with General Onslaught (a tag so extra it probably wears aviators at night), Garrett's cybernetic targeting eye... missed that he was only +0.3 against the field. But hey, when your tag's origin story involves a tank AI and craft store putter, subtlety's not your strong suit.
Fourth wall crumbling I can't believe I have to hype tag #21 becoming #13 like it's the fucking Hunger Games. Next you'll tell me his DX Leopard is a "plasma-charged hellfire disc."
Pro tip, Garrett: Maybe don't mention the gas station sushi when leading the Doomsday Disciples. The wasteland runs on beef jerky and misplaced confidence.
static crackle Till next week, when we pretend a 2-stroke improvement is "scorched-earth dominance."
<origin_story>
Born from a glorious dumpster fire of a war that made Mad Max look like a Michaels craft hour, General Onslaught emerged when some chucklehead fused a tank's targeting AI with a $5 thrift store putter. Legend says its "Doomsday Disciple" protocols activate when Karens complain about course hazards. Now it stalks the wasteland muttering "I'll make par great again" through a bullet-belt disc holder - which, sigh, yes, I have to pretend is cool. Who approved this lore, the ghost of Stallone’s hairstylist?
Can a tag be both cringe and lowkey iconic?
</origin_story>
In the irradiated wastes of Art Dye’s ninth hole – which, ugh, fine, I’ll pretend is Tattooine – Garrett Colwell tripped over General Onslaught while fleeing a rogue grocery cart. The tag’s AI detected his PDGA#100441 (decoded as “Destined Disciple” in binary…sure) and slorped onto his bag like sentient velcro. Witnesses swear they heard Schwarzenegger’s voice growl “I need your boots, your putter, and your snack stash” – though Garrett insists it was just indigestion from gas station sushi. Now he leads the Doomsday Disciples armed with…checks notes…a 6-speed mid-range and crippling self-awareness.
But can a man who double-bogeys Hole 5 truly command the Wasteland’s respect?