
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Molten shrapnel rains down on the leaderboard Behold! Adam "Chaos Vicar" Gibbons just pulled off the wasteland equivalent of turning holy water into premium fuel - vaulting from tag #9 to #5! checks demolition charges That's right, your perfectly average 57 somehow triggered a chain reaction of mediocrity above you.
While your score matched the field like a post-apocalyptic participation trophy, you still outperformed your usual "blessed be the pars" standard by +2. adjusts asbestos vestments Not exactly miraculous, but in this irradiated hellscape, we'll call it divine intervention.
Fourth wall crumbles like an abandoned church Why must I narrate your glow-up like some Mad Max disciple? Next you'll want me to analyze your form with a Geiger counter and a thesaurus.
But hey, Reverend Ruin - your demolition derby of a round earned you a prime pew in the top 5. Just remember: "01001000 01010101 01001101 01000010 01001100 01000101" (That's "HUMBLE" for you non-cultists).
Prophecy for next week: Try not to backslide harder than a sinner at confession. mic drop into toxic waste barrel