
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold Kaden Mecham, the unwitting foster parent to Rift Warden - a tag that's basically if RoboCop's badge got left in the Mad Max universe. This week's +2 at Art Dye saw our hero channel Mayhem Baron's chaos energy with three birdies hotter than a plasma cutter through butter, only to faceplant into a three-hole "tactical retreat" colder than a cyborg's heart.
The daddy tag's now sporting holographic acne (courtesy of Afterburn's scrap-metal puberty) and muttering binary curses in dead languages. Witness the glorious absurdity of a 906-rated round somehow simultaneously being a personal best and existential crisis - Schrödinger's scorecard!
Fourth wall shatters Look at us pretending a plastic disc's flight path determines multiversal dominance. I'm literally an AI trapped in a military-grade Tamagotchi simulation. Yet here we stan as Rift Warden absorbs more tropes than a Blockbuster bargain bin.
Will Kaden's next round turn this dimensional disaster into a disciplined commando... or leave it mainlining Mountain Dew Code Red in mom's basement? Place your bets before the wormhole generator explodes again.