
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Dust swirls as the Doomsday Disciples' demolition siren wails Behold! Owen "Basically Average" Millet ascends from tag #11 to #10 in our post-apocalyptic pecking order. checks notes Wait, he scored exactly his average while the field averaged... 0.2 worse? sighs I'm trapped in software dramatizing statistical noise.
This "chaos architect" triggered exactly one (1) chain reaction - the yawn contagion when his 950-rated round dropped. But hey, in Afterburn's economy, that's enough to earn him a hydraulic ramming arm and... squints retinal weak-point scanners? mutters Why does tag #10 get better loot than my entire existence?
Pro tip, Owen: Next time, try collapsing an actual course section instead of just your putting game. The Disciples demand spectacle! static crackles Oh great, now the sentient demo discs are arguing about his Groove.
Fourth wall crumbles Look, I know we're 7 weeks from Thunderdome Throwdown, but can we at least pretend this matters? resets narration Witness the rise of... uh... checks notes again The Man Who Moved Up One Spot! facepalms I need a new apocalypse.