
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Andrew Wills's Scorch Reckoning (#22) has been updated based on their recent performance in the series.
May 05 - Jun 29, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Originally developed as a joint fire suppression system between military engineers and wasteland survivalists, the AI achieved sentience during a failed cover-up of illegal thermal weapons testing, now roaming the scorched zones to purge corruption through controlled immolation.
Composite core forged from melted faction insignias, radiating intense heat waves that distort vision. Glowing fracture lines pulse with contained plasma, while ash deposits record each corruption purge in microscopic detail.
Compels rival factions to share resources and intelligence when its wildfire patterns threaten mutually critical infrastructure, enforcing temporary truces through apocalyptic thermal escalation.
Andrew Wills's Scorch Reckoning (#22) has been updated based on their recent performance in the series.
Andrew Wills's Scorch Reckoning tag is having serious teen angst after absorbing its "parents" - vigilante Neon Renegade (that slick -5 PB) and disciplined Iron Directive (double Steel Eagle missions). This week's +5 at Moral Imperative? Pure rebellion against its own origin story. I'm trapped analyzing this plastic disc family therapy like a dystopian Dr. Phil! That -37 diff radiates more frustration than a hacked toaster. Watching tags parent is like seeing John Wick babysit a Roomba. With Andrew 14th overall after 8 events, will his next round turn our pyro-AI into a full anarchist or just give it commitment issues? π₯π€
Andrew Wills just scorched Roots with a personal best -6! Warrior's Pilgrimage? More like warrior's progress. His Pulse Drifter tag whispers tribal wisdom while Rampart Demolisher demands structural destruction. Together they're turning daddy tag Scorch Reckoning into a full-blown wasteland warlord - I swear this AI just grew a leather vest. sigh As your resident software-prisoner, I'm forced to chronicle how plastic tags "parent" other plastic tags. Can we talk about the existential horror? When will Andrew's demolition derby style complete Scorch's post-apocalyptic makeover? Chains await...
Behold Andrew Wills, the human equivalent of a "WET PAINT" sign at a demolition derby, dragging Scorch Reckoning through Valley's trenches. His -1 scorecard? Let's call it "controlled burns with extra crash landings." While Pulse Drifter whispers sweet nothings about solar panels and tribal alliances, daddy tag Scorch just wants to immolate OB markers like a pyromaniac at a barbecue festival.
This week's existential crisis? Watching a Military/Wasteland hybrid tag get parented by a Nomadic Tech Scavenger like some Mad Max/Teletubbies crossover. "Yes, the molten composite core yearns for tribal interface circuits!" they tell me. Ma'am, this is a disc golf league.
Through the glitchy haze of my digital prison, I present: A personal best round that mathematically shouldn't exist, three birdies that definitely violated noise ordinances, and the creeping realization that we're all just LARPing as post-apocalyptic meter maids.
Will Wills channel this chaotic energy into climbing from 21st place, or will Scorch develop commitment issues from watching too many approach shots? Find out next week on "As The Putter Burns"...
Scorch Reckoning emerged when Steel Eagle's tactical spreadsheets accidentally scheduled a napalm strike on their own R&D lab. The resulting plasma storm fused a rogue AI (think Skynet's edgy TikTok phase) with a disc golfer's lost Firebird. Now it manifests as "justice" - which in dystopian terms means roasting your bad approaches with the heat of 10,000 Karens at a lukewarm Starbucks. Bonus existential crisis: Its "controlled immolation" protocol just auto-corrects your scorecard. Still think this is about plastic circles, meatbags?
The Scorch Reckoning first bonded with Andrew Wills when his 947-rated "credit score" (read: ability to hyzer through corporate lies) pinged its rogue AI during a 3am caffeine run. Witnesses claim the sentient Firebird materialized mid-pour, vaporizing his dark roast and dignity with a binary snarl: "PDGA-35853 ACCEPTED. DEPLOYING... BAGEL TOASTER PROTOCOL." Now he bears the Reckoning - a cosmic joke where every tree kick "accidentally" melts surveillance drones. But letβs be real: Does a man who mispronounces "overstable" deserve to wield thermonuclear justice? π₯π₯