
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Dust swirls as the camera pans across Fernando's smoldering scorecard Well well well, if it isn't our favorite post-apocalyptic poser, Fernando "Should've Stayed Home" Cortez, taking the express elevator down NINE WHOLE SPOTS in our premiere episode of "Wasteland Warfare." record scratch That's right folks, from 7th to 16th faster than you can say "hydraulic arm malfunction."
Our boy played exactly to his average - which in this case means he brought a putter to a chainsaw fight. Overkill Outlaw's cybernetic eye glows red This tag was literally designed to demolish courses, and Fernando out here throwing like he's afraid to scuff his precious discs. The wasteland doesn't reward mediocrity, sweetheart.
Fourth wall break Oh god, I'm actually narrating bag tag movements like it's Thunderdome. Kill me now.
But hey, at least Overkill's flaming jacket matches the dumpster fire of this performance! wink Remember kids - in the apocalypse, you either chain out or fade into obscurity. Better luck next week, "Chainsaw" Cortez. Maybe try using that hydraulic crusher arm for something other than opening energy drinks?