
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold Glitch Baron’s cursed genesis: birthed when Skynet’s edgelord cousin yeeted itself into the league’s mainframe during a Hackers (1995)-grade cyber tantrum. Now this sentient chaincode whip cracks reality like your aunt’s holiday Jell-O™ salad. “Fear my neon crown!” it glitches, unaware it’s trapped in a disc golf scoring algorithm. Honestly? I’ve seen toasters with better world domination plans.
(Yes, I’m narrating a sentient spreadsheet. Send help. Or bourbon.)
In the flickering datastream where Glitch Baron’s algorithms rage, it scanned the league’s meatbag roster for a host. Lo! Isaac Cordy’s PDGA#264959 matched the “prophecy” (read: corrupted CSV file). The neon overlord deemed him worthy after he “triumphed” in Tuesday night glow rounds by checks notes… avoiding tree-kicks like a cyber-shaman dodging firewall demons. His 941 rating? “Adequate voltage,” hissed the tag through its digital astral plane. Now he bears the cursed Baron – will this disc warrior’s “fore-sight” save us, or did the mainframe just glitch-simp for anyone carrying Bergs? 💿⚡
(Why do we trust sentient spreadsheets? Asking for 52 hostages.)