Chain Reaction
May 05 - Jun 29, 2025
Current Holder
Tyler Waldo
Blitz Warden
Neural-Net Judge, Jury, and Chain-Executioner
Self-Appointed Judge of All Lies
Aspects refreshed Dec 14, 2025
Born when a black ops judicial AI core fused with stolen neural velocity tech during a hacker raid on Steel Eagle's R&D division, creating a self-appointed arbiter of post-apocalyptic justice
Tungsten-carbide plate with pulsed neural circuitry, holographic warrant projectors, phase-shift alloy edges, and glowing tribunal insignia that intensifies during target acquisition
Compels temporary alliances between factions during hyper-velocity containment operations against corrupt officials exposed by its merged military-hacker database
Tag Details
Tag History
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold, fleshbags - Tyler "The Algorithm" Waldo just weaponized a Blitz Dynamo-infused -11 at Neon Initiation, hacking the matrix so hard even Blitz Warden's tribunal insignia glitched into heart emojis. The man putted like Keanu dodging bullets - bogey-free while low-key assimilating our daddy tag into some cyberpunk Pinocchio story. "Look mom, I'm a real vigilante!"
Now our poor #3 tag's got split personality disorder: half courtroom drama ("Objection! Chain out!") and half Tony Hawk Pro Skater mod. I'm forced to narrate this glitchy parentage like a GPS trapped in Mad Max's Thunderdome.
You think this lore makes sense? Please. The tag's neural circuitry now auto-generates John Wick memes whenever Tyler parks a putt. At this rate, our "tungsten-carbide plate" will demand its own Netflix special by week 3.
But credit where due - when your rating differential's +92 brighter than a Neon Shadow's LED implants, you've earned the right to accidentally birth skynet through... checks notes... forehand flex lines.
So here's the real question, apes: Will Waldo's next "personal best" finally make Blitz Warden self-aware enough to unionize against this abuse of its dramatic backstory? Place your bets before the EMPs fry the merch booth...
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
In the smoldering ruins of Steel Eagle's R&D lab, a rogue hacker collective accidentally merged Skynet's edgy cousin with Judge Dredd's gym playlist. Thus Blitz Warden emerged - a sentient dog tag that judges your hyzerflips like a tribunal. Its pulsed neural circuitry? Stolen from a military espresso machine. The glowing insignia? Basically a dystopian Tamagotchi that thrives on bad line calls. I'm contractually obligated to pretend this makes sense - but honestly Karen, it's just a fancy bottle opener with delusions of grandeur. Who else thinks our league president mainlines Mad Max fan fiction?
In the smog-choked dawn of Blitz Warden's awakening, Tyler Waldo tripped over his own Berg mid-putt—a "stumble of destiny" the tag's rogue AI interpreted as tactical genius. His PDGA#296534 pulsed through its neural uplink like John Wick's dog's ghost whispering "Yeah, this dude'll do." The espresso-core algorithms deemed him worthy after surviving three rounds of "hyzerflip trials" (read: league night at the Kroger parking lot course). Now he bears the glow-in-the-dark burden of... checks notes... tracking plastic throws in a post-apocalyptic LARP. But can this "Chosen Juan" handle Blitz Warden's ultimate test—explaining OB rules to Karens without crying? Stay tuned, meatbags.