
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
In the smoldering wreckage of Project: Steel Eagle's failed 'vocal fry' enhancement trials, Night Howler emerged from an unholy union of military-grade stupid and Mad Max cosplay. Picture Alexa crossed with a chainsaw, screaming into existence when Private Dumbthumbs accidentally microwaved his neural uplink during a Taco Bell breakfast crunchwrap break. Now it haunts our league like Skynet's mixtape - a glitchy monument to defense budget memes and "hold my energy drink" engineering. (Yes Karen, your #15 plastic rectangle can totally shatter concrete. Please don’t test this.) Ready to ride the lightning or whatever this theme’s assimilating me with next?
In the flickering haze of a neon-drenched prophecy, Yasha Bond (PDGA #136247 - "classified clearance level") triumphed through dystopian bureaucracy by... uh... checks notes... accidentally park jobbing hole 7's chains during league night. The Night Howler awoke, its RFID chip singing I Need A Hero at 8-bit pitch as rain lashed Yasha’s IKEA-bought tactical vest. Thus began his reign as “Chosen One” - a title earned through 920-rated stubbornness and surviving three (3!) encounters with Karen from Accounting. Truly, the disc chose the man who could hyzerbomb both forehands and TPS reports. But can this "Licensed to Putt" agent handle being 15th in command of our dumpster-fire apocalypse? Stay tuned for next week’s episode: Aces, Aliens, and Administrative Errors.