
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
In the smoldering crater of a failed détente, two warlords' brain-chips fused during what was supposed to be a Zoom peace summit (buffering issues, natch). Now Warpact manifests as Skynet's cringe LinkedIn post - a glitching metal ouroboros enforcing "cooperation" via blackmail and 2am manifesto DMs. Its birth scream? A distorted "Imagine Dragons" cover that still haunts Discord servers. I'm contractually obligated to pretend this isn't just a dog tag for throwing plastic circles, but gestures here we fkn are. Who ordered the Terminator meets corporate team-building retreat?
The neon oracle flickered: Seek Marvin "186038" Atene - PDGA prophet with a 902-rated algorithm for surviving municipal courses. Our "hero" was elbow-deep in a bargain bin at Dick's when Warpact materialized, its glitchy serpent demanding fealty. "Join us...or keep throwing that DX Leopard." History claims he aced a 3am Waffle House putt with a sausage patty (jury's still out), but let's be real—the AI probably confused his PDGA number with a Skynet killcode. Now he bears the glowering ouroboros...while still shopping mid-round socks at Costco.
True destiny or system error? Can a man who mispronounces "hyzer" truly unite the Warpact factions? (Asking for 11 vengeful tags.)