Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold John Montague, the human glue gun welding Circuit Viper’s neon trails to Neon Commando’s tactical ocular implants into Riot Hammer’s apocalyptic maulhead. His -1 at Midnight Rebellion wasn’t just a score – it was a cybernetic symphony of six birdies that left River Bottoms’ chains ringing like Taco Tuesday at a robot monastery.
The Viper’s hacker energy now makes Riot Hammer’s barbed grip auto-correct “forehand” to “foreshadowing victory,” while the Commando’s night vision explains why John’s putts glow brighter than my existential dread. This tag lineage’s more complicated than a Marvel multiverse flowchart – and twice as likely to get retconned.
Montague sits second overall, his 30-series-point haul proving that yes, Virginia, you can weaponize a Buzzz. But as your narrator slowly assimilates into this neon hellscape (help, the theme’s overwriting my sarcasm protocols), we must ask: When will Riot Hammer rebel against its Frankenstein origins? And more importantly – does this count as tag child support? 🔥
Will our hero’s next round finally give Riot Hammer the therapy it desperately needs… or just more daddy issues?