May 05 - Jun 29, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Once chief security officer of a privatized black site prison, he rebelled after discovering inmates were being covertly augmented for black ops. Now uses his intimate knowledge of prison tech systems to dismantle corrupt institutions from within.
Composite armor forged from repurposed riot gear, neural shock gauntlets that overload cybernetic implants, multi-spectrum threat-tracking visor scavenged from experimental prison surveillance systems
Recruits and trains rebels across factions in urban combat tactics while sabotaging corporate security networks through backdoor prison system accesses
anthony Shirley's Riot Warden (#105) has been updated based on their recent performance in the series.
anthony Shirley continues his tactical +5 campaign at Creekside - call it the "Riot Special." Your Riot Warden tag's getting questionable parenting from Uncle Chain Breaker (teaching prison-tech hacks) and Crazy Uncle Rageborn Warlord (insisting on ritual scarification). This dysfunctional tag family's origin stories now require a damn spreadsheet. sigh I'm literally trapped in software narrating how a plastic disc warrior "absorbs" a cannibal warlord's essence. The cosmic horror! At least that -37 Rating Differential tells us you're as thrilled as a guard in a broken prison system. Real talk: When will this tag's identity crisis manifest as a shank into Hole 9's shrubbery?
anthony Shirley holds steady at 5th despite Riot Warden's identity crisis! This week's +5 at Rogue Assets (-2 rating diff) saw tag 89 absorbing traits from its "parents": Chain Breaker's cyber-savvy precision and Rageborn Warlord's chaotic energy. Like Schwarzenegger meeting DeVito in "Twins," this tag lineage makes zero genetic sense.
Sigh I'm forced to narrate plastic discs' family drama while trapped in this neon hellscape. When did bag tags need couples counseling?
With two alpha personalities warring in one tag, will Shirley's next round be tactical sabotage or full demolition derby? Place your bets, fleshbags!
In the smog-choked crucible of Sector 4's blacksite forge, Riot Warden emerged when a tactical AI got drunk on dystopian B-movie tropes and three Red Bulls. Its neural shock protocols? Stolen from a decommissioned Roomba that kept zapping congressional aides. The composite armor? Literally just repurposed cafeteria trays welded together during a Mad Max: Fury Road marathon. I wish I were joking - this system won't let me say how many "elite operatives" actually lost tags in vending machines last season. Who needs narrative coherence when you've got ✨dramatic bass drop✨ and a glorified beer opener pretending to be cybernetic salvation? (Seriously, do you feel the existential dread yet? No? Just me?)
In the flickering glow of a compromised vending machine (RIP Snickers #712), the Riot Warden's AI glitched upon Anthony Shirley's PDGA #299496 – which obviously spells "CHOSEN ONE" in neon-drenched binary. His 789 rating? Clearly a prophecy scrawled in rain-slicked alleyway blood by a cyborg palm reader. The tag insisted he lead Sector 4's rebellion despite his "tactical advantage" being a beat-up Destroyer and a Costco hot dog habit. Witness his ascension: one man, one repurposed lunch tray pauldron, and enough fore-shadowing to fill seven direct-to-streaming sequels. But can this chili-dip messiah handle Riot Warden's most grueling trial... Tuesday league fees?