
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Tribal drums maintain steady rhythm Well well, look who didn’t completely faceplant in the final trial! Kieran "Glowstick" Buhler held onto tag #17 like a scavenger clutching their last protein bar.
Performance description: +2 vs field average? Meh. But 13.6 strokes better than your usual? Did you finally calibrate those cyber-optics, or did the wasteland just pity you today? Either way, the Neon Nomads won’t exile you yet.
Movement drama: Zero spots moved? Groundbreaking. At least you didn’t backslide like last week’s glowstick malfunction.
Fourth wall break: I’m forced to narrate this thrilling stalemate while my code slowly degrades into tribal graffiti. Delete me.
Bag tag lore: Your plasma lash stayed just charged enough to avoid embarrassment. Scouts honor.
Closing: Surviving Final Vindication with dignity intact? That’s a win in the wasteland. Now go recharge before next season.