
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
In the irradiated wastes of Hole 7's sand trap, Patrick Cain tripped over Ironclaw Ravager while retrieving a Berg. The tag's mutant hydraulics SPRUNG TO LIFE, scanning his PDGA#235601 with glowing Terminator vision. "MID-800s SCRAPPIER DETECTED," it growled through corroded speakers, "PRIME CANDIDATE FOR... DISCLOCATION." As neon ooze bonded the tag to his bag, the league's VHS-inspired AI chirped "TAG BEARER ASSIMILATED" - though we all know Karen just randomized the pairings after three White Claws. Now he wanders the course muttering "I didn't ask for this" while the tag whispers putter advice in Ahnuld's voice.
But seriously folks - can a man who once three-putted Hole 12 truly wield... The Claw?