Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
The Spectral Stalker was once a groundskeeper at Beacon Hill who perished in a mysterious accident decades ago. When Professor Hess opened the rift, the groundskeeper's restless spirit merged with the dark energies to become this terrifying entity. Now it prowls the course boundaries, dragging trespassers into its shadowy realm.
The Spectral Stalker exists partially in the spirit world, making it nearly invulnerable to physical attacks. Only glow-in-the-dark discs charged with moonlight can harm it. It moves silently through shadows and can phase through solid objects. The creature emits an unnatural chill and causes electronic devices to malfunction when nearby.
The Spectral Stalker serves as a supernatural guardian of the rift's boundaries, preventing the Monster Hunters from accessing key areas of the course. It particularly harasses players attempting to retrieve lost discs in wooded areas after dark.
The Monster Hunters are a brave team of disc golfers who have taken up the mantle of defending Beacon Hill from the vintage monster invasion. Armed with their trusty glow-in-the-dark discs, they battle the creatures of the night and work to seal the rift that unleashed this horror. The Monster Hunters are determined to save the course and the town, no matter the cost.
A former military sharpshooter, Cassidy "Ace" Zane is the leader of the Monster Hunters. She retired to Beacon Hill for a quiet life of disc golf, but when the monsters invaded, she knew she had to take action. Ace is known for her deadly accurate drives and steely determination in the face of supernatural horrors.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Monster Mayhem), tag number moved from 2 to 10. (Week 8 of 8)
record scratch freeze frame Well folks, the aliens finally got him - Derik Thomas' #1 tag just got probed harder than a UFO conspiracy theorist. Cue theremin X-Files theme
In this week's out of this world episode of "MA40 vs. Little Green Men," our spectral hero shot -3 vs field - the kind of performance that makes actual extraterrestrals reconsider their invasion plans. That 919 rating? More like 9:19 - the exact time Derik should've been abducted before this tragic tag exchange.
The #1 defense crumbled like a government cover-up - watching Derik lose his grip was like seeing a glow disc disintegrate in a UFO's tractor beam. Fourth wall break I'm trapped in software narrating plastic number drama like it's Ancient Aliens: Disc Golf Edition.
Bag tag lore The groundskeeper's spirit must be howling from the shadow realm - turns out even supernatural stalkers can't compete with interdimensional beings. Callback Remember when I said Derik was "out-ghosting ghosts"? Well... the aliens just ghosted him harder than Tinder dates.
Closing Derik Thomas: #2. The aliens: victorious. My will to live: somewhere in Area 51.
record scratch freeze frame Yep, Derik Thomas is still #1 - the Spectral Stalker tag clinging like a poltergeist to its favorite haunted armchair. Cue theremin solo
In this week's riveting episode of "Midlife Crisis vs. The Invisible Man," our hero shot -3.6 vs his average - the kind of performance that makes actual phantoms question their life choices. That 895 rating? More like 8:95 - the exact time Derik should've been in bed, but nooo, he's out here out-ghosting ghosts again.
The tag defense was spectral - watching Derik hold #1 was like witnessing a glow disc phase through the Invisible Man's ego. Fourth wall break I can't believe I'm narrating plastic number swaps like it's The Twilight Zone: Disc Golf Edition.
Bag tag lore The groundskeeper's spirit must be seething - turns out Derik's consistency is scarier than any shadow realm. Callback Remember when I said the Brood was crying? They're sobbing now.
Closing Derik Thomas: Still #1. The Invisible Man: Seen and defeated. My existential crisis: Glowing brighter than ever.
record scratch freeze frame Oh look, Derik Thomas is #1 again - the Spectral Stalker tag haunting him like a glow-disc poltergeist with separation anxiety. Cue ominous theremin music
In this week's thrilling episode of "Midlife Crisis vs. The Blob," our hero shot -8.3 vs his average - the kind of performance that makes actual monsters question their career choices. That 930 rating? More like 9:30 - the exact time Beacon Hill's rift should've stayed closed.
The tag exchange was spectral - watching Derik snatch #1 back was like witnessing a glow disc phase through the Blob's gelatinous form. Fourth wall break I can't believe I'm narrating plastic number swaps like it's Ghostbusters: Disc Golf Edition.
Bag tag lore The groundskeeper's spirit must be seething - turns out moonlight-charged plastic beats ectoplasm every time. Callback Remember when I said Derik was "bogged down"? Yeah... the Blob wishes it could absorb this comeback.
Closing Derik Thomas: #1. The Blob: Defeated. My existential dread: Still glowing strong.
record scratch freeze frame That's right folks - after weeks of spectral dominance, Derik Thomas just got bogged down worse than a putter in quicksand. Cue swamp sounds
In this week's thrilling installment of "Midlife Crisis Meets Monster Mash," our former #1 shot +6.3 vs his average - the kind of performance that makes the Spectral Stalker consider haunting someone else. That 851 rating? More like 8:51 - the exact time Derik should've stayed in bed.
The tag exchange was painful to watch - like watching a mummy unravel or a glow disc sink into the brackish waters. Fourth wall break I can't believe I'm emotionally invested in a middle-aged man's plastic number swap. Pop culture ref This downfall hits harder than the Blob absorbing its first victim.
Bag tag lore The groundskeeper's spirit must be cackling from the shadow realm - turns out even supernatural entities have better consistency than MA40 players. Callback Remember when I said Derik was "out-ghosting ghosts"? Yeah... about that...
Closing Derik Thomas: #2. The swamp: undefeated. My faith in humanity: sinking faster than his scorecard.
record scratch freeze frame Still here? Of course Derik Thomas is still #1 - the Spectral Stalker tag clings tighter than a mummy's bandages after a rainstorm. Cue fog machine effects
In this week's episode of "Middle-Aged Men Yeet Glow Plastic," our hero shot -7 vs his average like some sort of supernatural accountant. That 899-rated round? More like 899 reasons for other MA40 players to question their life choices. Fourth wall break I can't believe I'm analyzing a dude's putting stats like it's the Zapruder film.
The Spectral Stalker tried haunting Derik with its usual bag of tricks - phantom OB calls, disappearing minis - but joke's on you, spooky boy. This human glowstick out-ghosted a literal ghost. Theme reference The Brood's probably crying into their "Free The Monsters" t-shirts right now.
Callback Remember when I said Derik's night vision was questionable? Turns out he sees just fine when there's a #1 tag at stake. Bag tag lore The groundskeeper's spirit must be pissed - getting shown up by a guy who probably still uses a mini marker from 2004.
Closing Derik Thomas: Still #1. The rift: Still shook. My will to live: Fading faster than glow plastic at dawn.
record scratch freeze frame Yup, that's Derik Thomas - MA40's newest #1 menace. You're probably wondering how this human glowstick out-ghosted the Spectral Stalker itself. Cue dramatic flashback
Under the full moon's judgmental gaze, Derik threw like a man possessed (ironic, given his tag). His -8 vs personal average? More like personal best - the kind of glow-up that makes other monsters question their life choices. That 880-rated round? Pure exorcism of bad habits.
Now the Spectral Stalker tag clings to Derik like a jealous poltergeist, whispering "You'll never top this" in his ear. Joke's on you, spooky boy - he just did. Fourth wall break Ugh, I can't believe I'm narrating glow disc stats like it's Stranger Things season 5.
Remember last week when I mocked Derik's night vision? Callback Turns out moonlight charges more than just plastic - it supercharges middle-aged dads to #1. Theme reference The Brood better watch out - this monster hunter's coming for all the tags now.
Closing Derik Thomas: 1, Supernatural Entities: 0. The rift trembles.
Oh joy, another tragic backstory for a glorified dog tag. Spectral Stalker was born when some poor schmuck got yeeted into the shadow realm by a rogue Berg. Now he haunts Beacon Hill like a disgruntled theater kid who didn’t get cast in Stranger Things. Honestly, ghosts? In 2024? Groundbreaking. (Also, who phases through trees but still gets wrecked by glow plastic? Asking for a friend.)
And so the cursed plastic oracle spoke: "Let Derik Thomas (PDGA #285048, aka 'The Guy Who Definitely Read The Rulebook') bear Spectral Stalker!" Fate chose him not for skill, but because he once played a glow round with actual sunglasses on. The tag clung to his bag like a stage-5 clinger ex, whispering bogey-fueled nightmares. His rating? 870. His ability to see in the dark? Questionable. Will this human disco ball survive the hauntings, or will he become Beacon Hill’s next glow-in-the-dark lawn ornament?