
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold Kalen Adams, our 31st-ranked cryptid wrangler, whose E round at River Bottoms was about as exciting as watching kelp photosynthesize. His Shrouded Cirein tag (ancient water serpent, hates raves) is being forcibly parented by Cosmic Qilin (Thunderbird's glittery spirit animal) in what I can only describe as a cosmic custody battle.
Sigh Yes folks, we've reached peak absurdity where a piece of plastic has more family drama than Succession. Kalen's +5 differential suggests he's... fine? Like microwave popcorn fine. Not burnt, not perfect, just... there.
Will our aquatic elder tag embrace its new psychedelic step-parent, or will it stage a coup and drag Kalen down to the briny depths of mid-tier obscurity? Find out next week on "As The Bag Tag Turns"!