The Tempest Trials @ River Bottoms
Mar 05 - Apr 23, 2025
Current Holder
Landon Adams
Lithic Lindworm
Geode-Eyed Guardian of the Underground Lie
Rock-Solid Commitment Issues
Aspects refreshed Dec 16, 2025
Born from the fusion of ancient dragon spirits and the primordial stone of the Great Plains, the Lithic Lindworm emerged when the Thunderbird's power first touched the earth. Through millennia of guardian service, its flesh gradually transformed into living stone, allowing it to move through rock as easily as water.
The Lithic Lindworm possesses the ability to merge with and travel through solid rock, leaving no trace of its passage. Its crystalline scales can detect minute vibrations in the earth, allowing it to sense approaching threats and locate hidden chambers. When threatened, it can harden its exterior to become virtually impenetrable while maintaining its serpentine flexibility.
As a sacred guardian of the Earthbound Guardians, the Lithic Lindworm protects ancient underground sanctuaries and guides worthy seekers to hidden caches of knowledge. It serves as both sentinel and teacher, helping the faction's members develop their connection to the land's most ancient secrets.
Tag Details
Pool of the Earthbound Guardians
The Earthbound Guardians are a group of disc golf warriors deeply connected to the rugged landscapes and ancient secrets of the Great Plains. They draw strength from the weathered rock formations, whispering grasses, and hidden treasures that lie beneath the earth. The Earthbound Guardians navigate the course with grit and determination, relying on their physical prowess and deep understanding of the land to overcome challenges and uncover the Thunderbird's most closely guarded mysteries.
Members
140Divisions
Tag History
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Psychedelic thunder crackles Well slap my scales and call me Sally - the <strong>Lithic Lindworm</strong> just pulled a full Lazarus! <em>Landon Adams</em> rocketed from #9 to #3 faster than you can say "Wait, was this guy MIA for half the season?"
Mockumentary zoom Behold the disc golf equivalent of a Netflix redemption arc! Our crystalline serpent detected something shocking - actually showing up works wonders. Who'd have thunk? His round was so clean, even the Thunderbird paused its tempest to nod approvingly.
Fourth wall break Oh NOW you decide to play like a god? During the FINALE? Couldn't have done this during Prismatic Prairie when I needed content?
This stone-cold killer left the field average buried deeper than those ancient burial grounds from Episode 5. Insert obligatory "he was boulder than the rest" pun here
Calling back to April 17th Remember when we joked about him petrifying under pressure? Joke's on us - dude just pulled a full Thanos snap on the top 5.
Sacred geometry swirls As the season ends, one truth remains: nothing's more terrifying than a Lindworm with something to prove. Except maybe being trapped in this software. Sigh Until next season, suckers!
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Electric crackle Well butter my bag and call me a biscuit - Landon Adams just pulled off the disc golf equivalent of turning water into wine! The Lithic Lindworm has erupted from #29 to #9 faster than you can say "Wait, we're still doing this Thunderbird nonsense?"
Deep announcer voice Witness the power of a player who remembered how to disc golf after two weeks of ghosting us! Landon's performance? Let's just say he left his personal average in the dust like a tumbleweed in a tornado.
Fourth wall break Oh sure, NOW he shows up when we're at the ancient burial grounds episode. Typical.
This rock serpent's crystalline scales must've finally detected something useful - like the fact that throwing better than your average actually helps. Who knew? Insert obligatory "rock solid performance" pun here
From sedimentary layers of mediocrity to igneous excellence! Will this metamorphic glow-up last? Or will he petrify under pressure like last season's champion? Sigh Tune in next week for our thrilling finale: "Tempest Trials or Tempest Tantrums?"
Psychedelic fade-out Remember kids: even a Lindworm can fly if the Thunderbird's drunk enough.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Fractal Falls), tag number moved from 22 to 29. (Week 6 of 8)
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Prismatic Prairie), tag number moved from 14 to 22. (Week 5 of 8)
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic thunder Behold! Landon Adams has achieved what geologists call "rapid continental drift," sending Lithic Lindworm careening down 19 spots to #14. sigh Yes folks, we're treating tag numbers like seismic activity now. His performance? As reliably mid as a Denny's Grand Slam - matching his personal average while the field left him in the chromatic dust.
The Lindworm's crystalline scales must've detected this coming, because whoosh - that tag moved faster than a D&D earth elemental on roller skates. From #33 to #14? That's not progression, that's erosion!
Breaking character Why am I comparing disc golf to rocks again? Oh right, because someone thought "guardian of ancient knowledge" was a logical tag backstory. Resumes At least Landon's consistent - like sedimentary layers of mediocrity!
Will this human avalanche keep gaining momentum, or will he petrify at his new elevation? Find out next week on "Why Are We Like This?"
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Lithic Lindworm - Guardian 33
Born from the Great Plains' primordial stone and ancient dragon spirits, this tag emerged when the Thunderbird's power first touched down. Over millennia, its flesh turned to living rock, allowing it to move through the earth like freakin' Kitty Pryde. Chosen guardian or unlucky schmuck trapped in a disc golf tag? You decide! 🤷♀️
Sigh Another epic tale I'm forced to narrate... Landon Adams, PDGA #203875, was just minding his business when the Lithic Lindworm literally emerged from the ground like some rock-obsessed prairie dog. "You'll do," it grumbled, probably because Landon was the only one not running away screaming. But will this 951-rated chosen one prove he's not just another stone-cold disappointment? 🪨