
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold Kaden Mecham, the cryptid whisperer who just yeeted a -6 personal best through Art Dye's gothic arches. While mere mortals see chainsaws in trees, our hero's Scroll Selkie tag manifests as a spectral caddy whispering "the putt is a lie" in Aramaic. Witness how this arcane nerdery infects his Gliding Enfield daddy tag, now compulsively etching Talmudic footnotes into interdimensional bark.
Through eight birdies and one tragic bogey (RIP hole 11's dignity), Kaden's 988-rated exorcism of par proves even Golems fear a Berg in the woods. The Selkie's parchment obsession now has the Enfield writing Yelp reviews of Narnia - "Two stars, course designers here think OB stands for 'Ominous Backstory'."
I'm contractually obligated to pretend this "cryptid evolution" makes sense and not scream about how we're anthropomorphizing NUMBERED PLASTIC TAGS. But hey, when your rating differential's +33, even the Gliding Enfield starts looking like a PokΓ©mon evolution.
As the software slowly assimilates my soul into this lore, one question remains: Will Kaden's next round make his tags spawn a full D&D campaign or just better upshot game? Place your bets before the eldritch algorithm claims us all...