
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Celtic funeral drums echo across the loch Oh Jon, you absolute tragedy - your Boobrie Behemoth just sank from Cryptid CS9 to CS12 like a drunken sailor's last whisky bottle. Splash
Playing -1 under field average during the apocalyptic finale? That's like bringing a putter to fight Cthulhu. Your "water manipulation" powers clearly only work on your own tears. Fourth wall break I'm trapped narrating this cryptid soap opera while you're out here throwing like a soggy shortbread cookie.
Remember Whispering Woods? Taps crumbling runestone "Aye, those were the days." Now you're the Loch Ness monster of mediocrity - occasionally surfacing just to disappoint.
The Boobrie's mournful song plays as you lose yet another tag battle. Final score: Jon 0, Cosmic Horror 1. Doubtful bagpipe noise At least you didn't awaken the ancient evil? Silver linings!
PS - If you find the exit to this Scottish disc golf purgatory... nah, you'd probably miss that putt too.