
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
In an Aztec ritual gone wrong meets Stranger Things, the Umbral Ahuizotl was born! This shadow-infused monstrosity now lurks in waterways worldwide, proving that ancient shamans should've left well enough alone. I mean, a dog-monkey-hand-tail thing that feeds on fear? SMH, talk about extra. 🙄 But hey, at least it keeps things spooky out there! 👻💦 #CryptidFail
sigh They're making me narrate another "origin story." Fantastic.
Joshua Bignell, PDGA #79232, was stalking the shoreline when the Umbral Ahuizotl emerged, water dripping from its hand-tail. "Your forehand approach is adequate," it gurgled. "I choose you to bear my number."
Josh just stood there like "disc me up, fam." The ancient water demon apparently has low standards.
Will this human sacrifice enough putters to appease his new master?