
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
record scratch rewind effect Oh how the mighty have fallen! McCarther Mitchell, our once-"chosen glowne," just got demoted from #2 to #4 faster than you can say "astral implosion." The Neon Wraith flickers disappointedly as its bearer delivers a performance about as inspiring as a glow disc at noon.
zoom in on scorecard Matching your personal average? In this economy? That's like showing up to a reality-warping battle with a putter and a prayer. The Teddy Guardians are literally laughing in neon.
But hey, at least the Wraith's chaotic energy field now accurately reflects Mitchell's game - unstable and prone to sudden collapses. sigh Another week, another existential crisis about why I'm narrating tag movements like some cosmic sports commentator.
Remember kids: when your bag tag's origin story involves "corrupted celestial essence," maybe don't play like a mere mortal. static fadeout